HumBug..

Do you feel you can make a difference to the present state of our being.?

Maybe by teaching, lecturing, and sending good meaningful forwards through social media and other platforms?

For if you think you can change another’s perspective, please rethink.

And if you still think so, you live in an illusionary world.

Life’s illusions are attractive, so we quickly fall into their trap.

And the net is vast, for everything falls in its ambit.

The thought that you work for a good cause doesn’t escape its clutches.

Please do not misunderstand; I am not talking about the help you give to one in dire need. That is when you act as you see.

It is humane and compassionate if you see someone suffering to go out to help, take him to the hospital on time, or if you see someone hungry, you offer them food etc.

But trying to be righteous by thinking of doing good, being good and thinking of others is “Humbug.”

It gives instant gratification to your ego, leading you to a fraudulent purpose and boosting your persona.

This happened to me a few years ago when I thought I was doing things for a good cause, a very purposeful drive.

A green environment, pollution-free, clean locality, a task which just needed the right tweaking and conscientious individuals who needed to put in a little of their time.

I spoke convincingly,

“Believe me, I promise we will change the face of our lane, and it will be quite simple if we unite”.

Continuing, purposefully, “I assure you it will not take much of your time, as we can take turns doing the needful”.

One of them replied rather vehemently,

“But you see, we are busy, our daily schedule is tedious, and we cannot be as accessible as you are, so I don’t think it would be possible.”

Undeterred, I said, ” Don’t worry, you won’t have to do much, but a little bit, as we are so many, and we could take turns. Please volunteer on the days you can, and on other days I’m sure we’ll have others to volunteer to.

I thought giving back to society and the community we live in was understandable, for we owe it for our stay here.

It sounded great. I wanted everyone to participate in what I thought was a long-term goal.

The lane ladies reluctantly agreed, and our group was called ” Go Green”. We then formed a What’s App group under the same name.

There were over 75 members in the group, and initially, there was a lot of excitement, with promises of co-operation.

The group served its purpose of announcing meetings, assessing progress, and assigning duties to each other.

Inspiration led us to believe that we would create an ideal model of community living to be replicated all over.

“Let us create a model in our locality so it can be replicated”, we often mentioned.

So we formed an ALM for our locality and worked day and night to organise things. We were 4 to 5 active members who took up all the problems our locality faced right up to the BMC and the officers in charge.

Smt Jyotsana Dighe was the corporator at the time. She diligently listened to our complaints and queries and set up meetings with department heads to listen to and solve our problems, helping us find apt solutions for the same.

For about three years, we worked relentlessly, from 2014-to 2017.

The problem of hawkers, segregation of wet and dry waste, traffic congestion in our lanes due to wrong parking, and opening of various pubs and restaurants in residential areas and a massive school on our street lead to congestion and disorder.

A cleanliness drive was organised to bring awareness, where school children enacted the effects of pollution and non-segregation of waste, in short, increasing civic awareness etc.

Waste composite methods were discussed, and the BMC began recognising and working hand in hand with the residents.

Weekly fumigations and dry garbage vans were organised to pick up dry waste collected in all societies.

Meetings were set up, with the BMC heads of all departments, like town planning, traffic police, waste management, sewerage etc., to lodge complaints and find solutions for the same.

Though we were 5 of us in the forefront, we still needed everyone to put in their bit, in their societies, in helping us implement civic sense, segregation of waste etc.

More critical, we needed representation in large numbers at the BMC to voice our complaints to ensure effective action from time to time.

The first few meetings in our garden and the society office were fruitful, discussing segregation, garbage disposal, and recycling.

Members joined in, and things seemed to be looking bright.

Then after a few meetings, suddenly, things fizzled out.

Somehow the message received by the members was distorted. They thought it was our responsibility to organise things since we were the initiators.

It was not their concern, it was our dream to live in a clean, pollution-free environment, and they were obliging us by joining in.

Soon we were bombarded with calls from members of different societies to help them get through the BMC for their specific societal issues.

We kindly obliged, thinking they would understand the general needs too, as they did their specific ones.

Then as we organised meetings with all the BMC officers of different departments to take up the causes of all issues ( Traffic police, town planning, garbage etc.) we faced, we needed their attendance, which was a big block.

They were not willing to come out of their cocoon and steered away.

Soon the Go Green group became another What’s App group, which forwarded soul-rendering messages with replies like WOW, Great and beautiful emojis.

“The ladies used it to promote their businesses and advertise on it, like”Pl forward to friends our latest designs etc., for more details contact so and so”.” etc.

That is when I realised that only realisation helps you change. I also realised that I had expectations from the others and that friends are a dooms call.

If I realised, as did the other four, it was ours to go ahead without expecting from the others.

We just had to do what we could and eventually did so.

That is when I realised there is no such thing as changing anyone or expecting anything from the other.

I asked myself, ” Why do you expect anything? and a new realisation set in.

Do I pause and think about them? Their state of being, and where they stand. For friends, conditioning, and past experiences define you as a person, unless you are willing to shed it all and see life as it is today.

Then the definition of you cannot be defined. You are new today and will see things as they are today.

No past can influence you, and no future is doomed, for you will be the change to a new change.

History will not repeat; foras we welcome a new era, it will change.

It’s simply that simple.

And as you move ahead on the long path in life’s journey, aware of what you see, you dodge the ferocious lion and the venomous snake on your way by changing your course.

But it is sad to see that most of us are asleep, and we cannot see the ferocious lion and the venomous snake.

We haven’t reached there yet, for we move about in circles, mechanically living life, cooking, cleaning, earning money, etc., and live in sleep, in a world of illusions,

And if you’ve moved ahead out of illusions and see the lion, tell the rest, ” Watch out there is one round the corner, ” they look at you suspiciously and say, ” Is there one? I can’t see it, though”.

Then they carry on their mechanical work relentlessly until such time when the lion overpowers, and an accident occurs.

And if you think things will change, do not think, for that is “Break time” dearies, until the accident is repaired, and then back to sleep for most of us.

The ones who awaken can join the bandwagon of the aware ones, who know that as the sun sets each day, theirs has not been wasted..

They have dodged the ferocious tiger and the venomous snake on their path.

Today, we are faced with the most ferocious lion and venomous snake approaching us in the form of environmental damage.

But we cannot see it, as we are ” Gainfully Occupied “, we pay taxes, and so are licenced to litter, spit, create dirt and pollution, wastewater, and power, and do all sorts of damages to the environment”.

If anything goes wrong, we have te government to condemn, and those who are stupid enough to take up such causes.

Believe me; they will not be able to change a thing, for we are the change.

Unfortunately, the ones who don’t understand the above, are in majority, and so we can get no respite unless our numbers increase.

” Sorry Mother Earth, as we see you breathe your last, can we do something?

Can we stop by and give everyone a piece of mind, telling them to stop any further damage to its giver.

But will they lend their ear?

No, said Earth, but it’s not too late yet.

Go ahead and transform yourself first, ” Be the change you want”.

It’s not OK, dear, but then you don’t get deterred, do your bit.

For as you do yours, the one next to you, sees you and is inspired as well.

Slowly and steadily, you’ll see a change, a new revolution will begin.

All I can say is that the only way to change, is to change, and if you know it, ” Just Do it.”

Change, but don’t waste your time telling the other to.

So saying, it faced the ferocious storm, which washed away most of its material elements.

Friends, your realisation is your change. Then , you will know of the poisonous snake or ferocious lion ahead..

Then instead of sleeping in the illusionary lullaby of countless heart-stirring designed to stir your heart outwardly, you will go inward and stop being distracted by them.

Then you’ll be content as you will see the actual content of what is.

“WHAT IS” is reality.

.The rest is all HUMBUG.

“Oh, just shut up,” I say as I push away the wandering mind which comes up again with those righteous thoughts of doing good.

“Come on, do some good work, join an NGO, form a trust, teach the poor, etc. it urges, and that is when I feel that I am not true to myself and want to establish a persona of the righteous.”

Pushing away such thoughts, I tell myself to mind my own, and surge ahead on my path, to raise my level of being.

This is my arena, and I will always act according to my state.

Then, mindfully minding my own, I realise I’ve done it all. It’s as simple.

For each one minding their bit is the only solution to a better world. The rest is all “HUMBUG.”

Are you In Luck?

Is this a topic for a blog? I kept contradicting myself till I finally decided it was.

So here I am. Again I’m at a loss for words, and as the cursor moves on, I’m stuck where I am.

But the cursor propels me on, so the first question I ask the girl next door is, ” Are you Lucky”?

My young neighbour looks up at me and smiles, ” Of course I am.”

Expecting to write a tragic thesis on her life, I was stunned. ” Are you sure”? I ask her again.

Yes, I am, she replied. Am I dreaming? I asked myself

I see her and her husband slog for a living, and I wonder, ” Really,” I ask her surprised.

Startled, she replied, “Yes, I am lucky for I have all that matters—the love of my life and the food for living it up.

Here seemed to be a revelation which might unfold into the latest thesis of being in luck no matter what.

Inspired, I sat her down as she began.

“I got married two years ago, but within a few months of my marriage, my husband faced a crisis in his business, and all of a sudden, it seemed as if life had ended before it started.

In the beginning, I was devastated and questioned the concept of life, wondering when I would get relief from hardships.

Then I remembered my earlier days at the orphanage, where food was scarce, work was tiring, and I also remembered that I had tided over.

Living at the orphanage, we worked hard and went hungry most of the time.

One night as I lay in pain and discomfort, due to hunger, I decided not to fight it anymore. I saw my hunger and accepted it, ” Yes, I am hungry”, and I don’t know how to satiate it”, I told myself.

A ray of light came in towards me and the bunker bed I lay on, and then I saw myself on the bed I lay on.

Suddenly I felt we were companions, and together we could have a great night. So I told myself, ” Good night, sweetheart, have a wonderful night”.

Then, I drank a glass of cold water in a deft move and went into a slumber on the top bunker.

That was when I discovered a new world.

A world in my dreams. Maybe you could call it my body’s coping mechanism or whatnot, but this was it, sweetheart.

So every night in my dreams, I went to wonderland, where I lay under the open sky and stared at the stars, counting them as blessings. There was where I found Alladin’s little genie, laying out my favourite dishes.

I ate to my heart’s content and was satiated, and the next day always had me high on spirits, counting my blessings.

I had the bunk bed and it was exclusively mine.

Moreover, I was free to eat at no cost to my wallet or health, payment-free, and insured against cholesterol, obesity and diabetes.

So I guess today’s deal is what one can call being in luck.

Hardships seemed to have their value too.

What say, you dear friend?

I’ve become resilient and learnt to live life king size. For the grass is always greener on my side.

I was amazed and startled. I had nothing to tell her but only looked at her in wonderment.

Hearing her out, I remembered my mother’s precise words, ” Adversity has its advantages”.

They are not sour grapes but sweet ones if you realise them.

Then I look at my sister, Shilpa, who had five eye surgeries, two of them were cornea transplants, and faced with multiple health issues, smiling her way through all of them; a brave, kind-hearted soul, full of compassion and that is when I connected the dots.

It’s true, guys!! Strength is in the spirit to endure without it losing its essence. Resilience doesn’t come easy, but there are no odds when it does.

Looking at my writing, I wondered why I wrote what I did. Indeed this was not how I wanted to convey it.

This may not be what would generally be termed luck. But to me, it is to be lucky to be in an everlasting happy state of mind no matter what.

I wanted to bring out the factor of being lucky, having happy thoughts, attracting the correct energies, doing a lot of prayers chanting mantras etc.

They may sound nicer and more accessible than facing adversities that life has in store. But there are no shortcuts in the twists and turns of life.

Accept them, face them remembering their impermanence. They definitely are stepping stones to the path ahead, which is full of the highs and lows.

Friends’ life can be cruel and kind too, but lucky are the ones who feel blessed no matter what.

Maybe you would call it wishful thinking, but I guess when one has been pushed over an edge, the saving grace is a sledge, which helps you tide over.

The edge prompts a nervous breakdown, but to one who trusts, he sees the sledge at the edge and rests awhile.

Then as he regains his energies, a pathway opens up, leading him to a natural wonderland.

A Comedy of Errors.

When errors turn into comedies, you know you are on the sunny side up.

Walking across the street the other day, I saw two children haggling over a silly toy.

I thought, “What a futile waste of energy?

But then, little did I know that they were meant to be. They had to expel energy to welcome it again.

Then they fought harder; the older child pushed, the younger one causing her to fall.

Undaunted, she rose and retook her stand. This went on and on, and one day as adults, they too realised it was futile.

When did the one day appear, sooner or later?

Did it happen soon enough for them to realise that errors are comical, or did it happen later for errors to convert tragical?

Well, friends, it’s time again.

Did I hear you say,” For what?

I don’t know for what, but this I do know, we’re at it exploring further.

As I write this down, I’m yet to traverse on the page below, which is empty, and as I look at the blanks, I’m conscious of not letting my words drown.

So here we go, staying abreast in the stream, we move on to another comical error.

The girl next door was stuck up, I was sure, for her upstart looks and snobbish attitude said it all,

She pulled an unoccupied chair off my table, breezing it away with a haughty glare.

My eyes red with anger, I got up to flare, when my friend beside me, said: ” Shh. be quiet”.

Undeterred, I turned around to tell her off when a loud noise startled me. Two hooligans entered just then, turning tables in a fraction of a second.

My flared anger ( Target revised) glared at the hooligans as I swore under my breath, ” How dare you?

But before I could attack, they came to the table next to me and dragged away “Miss Snooty.”

Then that was when I gaped, for before I ran to her rescue, she was on it, as she warded hooligan no 1, by punching him, at that vulnerable spot which was meant to hurt the most.

As he staggered and fell groaning in pain, the other one caught her unawares, and as she stood helpless, about to resign in defeat, I reached her.

Sensing I would attack him, the man let her go and pounced on me. Unawares and unprepared, I would have fallen prey if not for our snooty friend.

As soon as he let her go and caught hold of me, she bit his hand, gnawing into his flesh and held on till he was yelping, loosening his grip on me.

Then both of us signalled to each other through perfect eye movements. As our eyes coordinated, we managed to pin them down; she contributed with karate blows, and me with the forceful energy of my anger.

Soon the restaurant authorities took over, and as the hooligan’s game got over, ours had just begun.

I was faced with Miss snooty, who now appeared anything but snobbish.

We laughed, and as I laughingly told her, how I had felt about her. She answered, “It’s funny, but you appeared the same to me.”

And now don’t gape, as I let the cat out of the bag, for we had met earlier at Bela’s party, and as we argued over the political scenario then, we created an image of the other.

” The snob thinks she’s right and can’t see my viewpoint; who does she think she is blah blah and blah… I chattered on till I concluded, ” She’s a B….”

And she thought I was a self-centred wanna be who couldn’t be.

So we had erred, but we had the good fortune to reverse it. As we told each other our stories, we realised we were amid a comedy.

As I laughed heartily recollecting this episode, I stumbled on, “It’s time to convert your errors into a comedy rather than live in the darkness of tragedy.

Time and again, we meet people of all sorts, some suit us, our temperament and our thinking, but most often than not, most don’t.

Please don’t brandish them; go along, and listen to them, accepting them. Here is where we develop a relationship. A relationship to love and cherish. A relationship that is the core of living.

Relating to everyone and all around, conflicting none. Errors of understanding need to be understood, thus paving the way towards the light.

Remember the times when you erred and then understood that you erred. That hearty laugh, the light giggle, brings you to the sunny plane.

Then the times when relationships drew you apart, into the black hole of hate, hurt and conflict. One came and passed out of life most of the time, holding hurt and resentment. For what?

Was your life to begin and end tragically? Just because you erred and couldn’t realise the hurt caused by the error was nothing but your image of the illusion, you created, calling it life.

Well, wake up, dear friend, and make up with estranged friends and family. On your backside awaits two opposites, one confidant of your decisions, knowing you would choose it over the other.

The confidante one today is none other than the tragedy king, who, of course, makes his mark most often than not, but undeterred is the comedy king.

Yes, the comedy king versus the tragedy king. For king you are in your own right, but somehow tragedy always feels it has the upper hand.

That is when you may ask, why are inclinations towards the negative, making life a tragic one. Why are we inclined towards austerity, hardships creating a sorrowful existence for attainment of Nirvana?

Why are we so ready to judge people in the negative? Can we see ourselves for what we are before seeing the other?

What is the inadequacy I see in the other? Does it belong to me? Is it my own?

And then I see it as it is, I put everything aside, my idea, my view, my temperament, and then I go along calmly coolly, watching, aware, washing away earlier errors, as I move ahead, away from tragical paths, thus crowning the comedy king.

I see comics in life’s twists and turns, each one leading you to a new turn. It sometimes causes errors, but they vanish in your innocence of being, leaving you light and alive.

What do you do?

This post is dedicated to our dear friend Sneha Madhrani, whose death left a void in our lives.

I was sitting by the window, overlooking the home’s window, which was once hers, when memories flooded in.

Her bubbly, welcoming smile and pleasant demeanour never leave my vision, and this is when I question my reason.

Is my vision so limited that all I can see is just this? Is there more than what I just caught?

For death just seemed an extension of life. Here she was with us some moments ago, and now she just happened to go.

As I looked deep down, the void out here was in there too, but then suddenly, I stumbled on a block.

The block which blocked my vision did not let me see further, for the moment I craned my neck and tried to look beyond, it came in between and led me away, onto a path I could see.

The path I could see seemed cool and cosy; it was full of posies and roses, it was familiar.

Yes, I got back to the path and ways of the world, following the norms of society and the age-old theory, “life goes on doesn’t stop for anyone.”

The show must go on, so saying I went back to living life the way it was to be lived.

But then I paused, for something was amiss. Yes there was something I missed.

For seeing my beautiful, spirited friend dying, I saw the light she meant to convey.

Then as I wanted to reach out, life pulled a fast one, caught me in its grip with its glitter, trying to hide the bitter.

But I discovered better and shook myself, hard telling myself, “What you do?

Can you not see that life and death are but one, for as one passes over, it seems the night is over, as it’s the break of a new dawn.

But then how would you know? For your night is never over, you sleep through the day as if it is the night”.

“How,” I ask myself? Well, friends, it’s no different. ” For as the night passes over, comes the day, and if you learn to live life, you learn to die to it too.

The phenomenon goes on and similarly within us too. But since we have not learnt what life is, we’ll never learn what death is.

Sometimes I wonder, what is it that is hard to understand?

The fact that life and death are one or that as one comes in, one has to depart.

Oh, why oh, why are we so helpless and miserable?

But then, after all the hurt and misery, we get back to daily living, struggling and fighting against a tide that eventually arises as destined.

We struggle against an eventuality which is naturality, and forget about living altogether.

I sat silent and still, and then I stumbled on these beautiful words, which appeared as quickly and naturally as was meant to be.

(We put death beyond the walls, beyond the movement of life. It is something to evade, to avoid.

The question is what is living and what is dying? The two must be together, not separate.

If we learn about living, we’ll learn about death, and learning is in the now.) An extract from the biography of J. Krishnamurti by Pupul Jayakar.

It’s a new day, every day, life and death come in simultaneously. Once we learn to live now, we learn to die now too.

Living is dying, but we hold on to a yesterday, not here. So we cling to the past, not letting go. and live in it, dying to the now.

Can we walk through life as innocently as we came in? Can we shed all the experiences, the conditions, the knowledge as soon as we enter another walk in life?

If so, then we know that death is a part of living, for as we live in the moment, we die to it too.

Then the very fear we fear is the key to the lock of fearlessness.

The fear of not being is in our genetic makeup, and when we look at it consciously, we realise it’s a part of us, our very makeup.

So dear ones, let’s face it and live consciously today, dying every day, every moment to the past, then darlings, what we are is not what we became.

But purely so, we are able to be in the state of being, without the conflict of becoming, and when there is only the state of being now and here, there is no past and no future.

Then life and death go hand in hand, in the timeless zone.

As I conclude, I know for sure, dear Sneha, you are in the space of love and well being, and your smile will always remain a part of our being.

Whatever will be will be…

The future is not ours to see Que Sera Sera, The lyrics of this song, snapped a cord from within,

Will I be rich, pretty, handsome, successful, have children, live a life full of everything excellent?

I will; I won’t? Remember the game we played as kids ” He loves me, he loves me not, where we peeled petals of a flower, and the answer to our query depended on the phrase at the last petal pluck.

If at all the last pluck had the negative phrase, we’d start over, hoping this time it would be the positive one last.

Now dearies that indeed was dumb, or wasn’t it? Look at it in any way; it seems just the same.

Suddenly, a sweet realisation sets in, and that is, “what does it matter?”

Now if you really want to know what matters, then close your eyes and look within..

You’ll see dark space with a spec of colour, which slowly gradually lights up into bright space.

There you go!! You know now what matters.

Just follow the dark spec intently.

Today, we are blind to the morrow, so why hunt out for the morrow when you can see your spot today.

No matter what will be, your today is as you see it, right here and now.

When the focus shifts from anticipating light in the morrow, to working on the spec of colour today, there it is. A bright finish.

As you paint on the canvas of now, the focus on your hands holding the paintbrush brings about the beautiful hues of colour on the canvas; you feel a sense of wholeness. And as you love your painting, you know that this is what matters.

Then comes the morrow, with a wicked grin, eradicating the painting. But then, as you look at it destroyed, you suddenly wonder, ” Does it matter? “

Does it or doesn’t it?

You had your joyous moment and were one with the painting while you painted it, and you loved it, so that was what mattered. And now you’re on to another one.

You’re enjoying focussing on the present one, and then I come in and tell you the painting you made yesterday was ruined.

You don’t bat an eyelid and continue on your present one. I look at you in surprise, telling you to come and see the destroyed one.

But you continue with your work smiling at me. Exasperated, I leave.

Well done, my friend, you’ve understood the game of life. For what is yours is the moment you are in. And these moments make up the film of life.

Each moment is important in the frame of life, and all the moments together form the broad picture.

Then all that matters is the joy of doing, and not the joy in anticipation.

When you’ve done your bit, you sleep sound,

And then as I say Que Sera, you say,” Whatever will be will be”,

For the future is not ours to see, so what does it matter,

And then you turn over, enjoying your moment of blissful slumber.

This is living and life, hold on to it while it is here.

For as you hold on to it minute by minute, it never really goes,

For it goes on and on, from the sunny hills to the darkest tunnels, and as you take a deep breath in the dark, you realise it’s not as scary as you think it is, for you lived each moment, fully and wholly,

So as the light came so did the dark.

Well, I didn’t like it, did you? Ah, there you go again. Did I ask you to like it or dislike it?

But to just look at it, and as you see the dark, you accept it wholly, for that voice within says,

As you accept the light so accept the dark.

Seeing no way out I decide to go with that tiny whisper, for as I live here in the dark hole, I realise it’s a part of the bigger picture.

So as I see the big picture, Alas what do I see?

The black and white amalgamated as one, each moment moving on in the timeline of life. Some black some white, some dark some bright.

Where am I ? In it or away watching intently.

I moved out to watch, fellas, and I saw my role.

My role in the stream of life was to flow on, dare I hold on,

I know I won’t now, for I am satiated; I’ve had my fill.

The painting I painted today had it all. And as I observe the hand that holds the brush, It moves up and down,

No mind, no thought, just the movement of the brush on the canvas says it all.

Just the movement at the moment, was it all?

Suddenly different hues shaped up on the canvas

The dark, light, dull, and bright amalgamated to form this wonderful painting of life.

It’s the same within and without, and will remain so if unlabelled.

Now the understanding of the dark and light, gives solace to the heart, and with it follows Joy.

It causes my heart to skip a beat.

As I look up, something strangely catches my attention; it’s the biography of Krishnaji by Pupul Jayakar.

As I see his face full of passion and love, I feel the magnificence of his presence as I’m carried on to the realm of the real.

Hi Guys!!!

I need to connect.

Connect?

Yes, for I am here sitting by the window, with the corona virus for company.

I’ve just completed five days in its overbearing company, but trust me when I say it sure is learning to be less wild.

It came with a bang, unannounced, shaking me off my guard,

I had no symptoms but was exposed, so I took the home test at a request.

I was sure I’d tide over like a song, and all would be proved wrong.

But I was wrong, for the T line of the home test glared at me with all its darkness.

Got anything to say? It seemed to say.

At first, I tried my best to shake it off, hoping against hope the test was false.

Aw, that is not possible, said our dear doctor friend. “You are positive”.

But I refused to relent. Then I sat on my bed, wondering another particular tactic to shove it down the drain.

For a minute, some hope came in when I thought to myself, “For all you know, I might be the first one to discover a special technique of warding away corona for good.”

Thinking so I went into dream world, where all over were posters, giving across the message

Come one and all to the show ” Shove Corona down the drain, and rid the world of a never-ending strain”.

As I was being complimented for this fantastic discovery, which even the world’s most outstanding scientists could not do, I was rudely awakened from dreamland by the loud beep on my phone.

Thud, I felt myself fall, from fantasy to reality.

I had so far tried to ward off this weird poky porcupine and had shut my doors tight.

But the more I relented, the more it persisted, and eventually, it let itself in through a small window opening.

Well, it was here standing on my face, and as I looked at it, in horror, it said, ” Aw, come on, I’m here now, and where are your manners?”

Is this the way you welcome your guest?

Knowing it had won, I resigned at last “Be my guest,” I said grudgingly.

Come on, it said, since we are in it together, you could at least smile and appear cheerful.

I thought, ” What audacity this ugly looking creature, has” but I said nothing.

I decided to smile and let go of any ill feeling.

Now it’s our fourth day together, and we’ve mingled as one.

As I get up in the mornings, it reminds me it’s there, but after steam, and a cup of hot tea, it gives me my space.

It lets me decide whether I want to read or write or clean my bathroom but warns, ” Choose one thing.

Do not forget that I am here, and for a reason too.

When you space out your pace, you can do things better too.

By now, we had become buddies, so I confidently took some liberties,

I said, “I think you are mad; I would like to go on with the pace I’m used to.”

“Suit yourself, “it said.

So after my energising cup of tea, I dusted the bed, swept my room, and washed the bathroom. Then for a hot water bath, and I was ready for breakfast.

And then off went the next activity, for I had slumped.

Exasperated, I crouched on the armchair, and the grouch grinned,

I told you so. I wanted to smack it hard but resisted the urge.

Then out of the blue, in the chair of orange hue,

Came this vision true.

Your needs are not so many, but your wants don’t let you be.

For caged in this room, the 5th day on, I discovered a new morn.

The morn of the everlasting sun, the sun which knows no dusk or dawn.

And that is when you know for sure, that every move of yours on the horizontal material world, follows on a vertical plane, subtle but firm.

It gives you buoyancy, a much-needed balance in our world, where needs and wants can be mistakenly misunderstood.

All you need is a little of all, but more demands the needs of the want.

That is when tables turn upside down.

Outbursts of various types, from tycoons to goons ,

Seep into our so-called peaceful land.

Shattered we fall as I did as Corona struck,

A tug of war ensued, out fell the wants, and the needs grew sparse.

Hidden in each other’s guise, guys, it’s recovery time.

That’s when you know you are living on the horizontal physical with the awareness that the horizontal has a vertical all along. As you look at them simultaneously, you are aware of your being.

The horizontal of life makes up for the world around me, my special relations with all of you fellow beings, and the vertical my being with it’s spirit and awareness, always by my side.

To Know or not to???

Knowledge is necessary, Knowledge is wonderful, Knowledge sharpens your intellect !!!!

Blah Blah , Blah and Blah!!!!

Did you fall for all of this , like I did too,?

If you did, then you got something new coming, your way..

“What is it? another knowing?” you may ask,

And then you can even scoff at me and look at me with your eyes saying it all

” Oh really, so much on advocating no knowledge, really Deepi.”

But I’m not here to change your belief into disbelief.

Nor am I advocating a cause, or a purpose, for us to follow.

I’m writing this because I learnt, as a part of learning, and not as just knowledge.

For knowledge is what we store into the depths of our mind, and use it later when it is not necessary anymore.

Learning is now, learning is wisdom, learning has the depth of the present moment.

Learning makes you grow, and makes you abandon all that is not a learning.

And Knowledge, what can I say?

Well except the knowledge required for skilful activities, to manoeuvre, your boat through the ocean of life, the rest of knowing stops you from learning.

Knowledge from past experiences, conditioning, belief systems and other forms of teachings which we stored into the warehouse of our brain, blocks our learning.

We can’t learn much from a person we know to be a fool, can we?

But can you see the man with the eyes of today, he’s moved on.

Yesterday he displayed foolishness, but learnt thereon.

And today he has wisdom engraved within, but we can’t see it, can we?

For we knew he was foolish, and carried it on, for we don’t want to learn, now, we already know.

Here guys that’s it. You may take it or leave it, the choice is yours.

If you choose to learn rather than advocate you know, here’s one for the road..

Well friends, learning is a different ball game altogether.

It is an understanding a deep understanding of what is, and when that happens then you act on what is, you act now.

You learn now and when you do, it’s a new learning, for you see things with the freshness of what they actually are.

For all you know, the person you knew yesterday, learnt a lesson or two on his way, and today as you proclaim you know him, you actually don’t.

Yesterday he was mean and rude, and today he is a cool dude.

He learnt to be cool and abandoned being rude.

However you were ruthless to carry his rudeness, for the past stored your experience with him, and you carried the knowledge on, unable to break free.

” Let the dead past bury it’s dead”. A Psalm of life, By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

How on earth are we to learn when we can’t let go.

How on earth do we abandon the pride which makes us pat ourselves on the back, proclaiming ” I know it all”

But you dont know, for you cant see, can’t listen and can’t smell.

You can’t see the person for what he is , and not what he was.

You can’t listen for everytime you try to do so, your mind chatters away bringing in the dead.

The knowledge of the past haunts, and mars the bright future, and the fragrance in the air

is marred by the stink of the past.

Grow up, let go, of the yesterday, and play a fresh game today.

Learn the rules, they are simple , play wholeheartedly, and enjoy.

Then fulfilled move ahead, well equipped for the ball game of the morrow, where the simple rules of the play apply again.

Play within your ambit, if you are a good bowler bowl, instead of looking at being a batsman too.

For the fun is in the game, not in trying to be something you are not .

Well friends, each stage of life equips us to go through it, and as we move through it we learn with each passing day.

Here knowledge is the barrier, it acts as if it equips you to face it, but dearies don’t fall for it.

For it only comes with a bundle of another’s perceptions & experiences , and none from the book off the hook.

So don’t pls get hooked to another’s book, and not even to mine.

Just go ahead and see with an open mind.

That is when you listen to the actual mind, which tells you the way to go.

This little piece came to me, as I’m learning..

Learning to make peace with what is, and not with any knowledge, of what should be..

Cheers dear friends, as you cheer all the way home..

On Reason and Reasonability..

Reasonability has no reason, and to reason reasonably seems to me the highest degree of unreasonability.

Now that is my reasoning.

Haw you guffaw, ” You really think so”?

After all the talk of reason and reasonability, you have the guts to bring in what you call ” Your reasoning”.

As I looked around , there was no one. I paused in wonderment.

” Who was this conflicting ?

Eureka !! They were my thoughts contradicting each other.

To do or not to do?

Within reasonable limits, I reasoned with my mind..

(Oh don’t laugh again, I’ve got to start somewhere, don’t I?)

So as I tell it to be reasonable, it replies ” Just what is reasonable?”

Aw come on do I have to define the same to you?” I said.

And as it replied “Yes, you do,” my thoughts went further dense.

All along what I thought was reasonable, suddenly turned out to be what I wanted to do.

I brought out a hundred definitions of reasonable within my boundaries and for my convenience.

I got away with the things I wanted to do by bringing them under the ambit of reasonable.

“How un reasonable “said that voice from within.

For reason and reasonability now appear to be the ball game of your mind.

“Stop don’t go too far, let’s just change the topic” said I.

Why? Are you scared to confront yourself? it asked.

Well infact go further down, and it’s ok to frown.

For today trash it out, so that your trash doesn’t delude you from seeing things as they are.”

Ok so now let’s look at things as they are.

Suddenly the definition of reasonable changed, for everything around was as it is and reasonably so.

The children made a shattering noise, and disturbed me as I sat in quietude.

But then my very self who would have termed it unreasonable, saw the children for what they were.

They were children and they were bound to make a noise, jump up and down running all around.

They were as they were, and reason told me so.

Suddenly it was only reasonable that I maintain my cool and not lose it.

During my hey days,

I got up every morning at a reasonably early time at 5.30 am.

I worked reasonably hard, putting in 85 hours of work every week, that is an approx of 12 hours a day, right?

Then I spent 5 hours a week on the things I liked doing, my me time.

And then all the rest of the remaining hours spent on personal grooming and physical requirements.

That was reasonable for me then.

Yes it was.

Today with advancing age, and the lockdown, I get up at ease, keep my body fit by exercising to keep it going, look into the basic needs of the home , and most important, I look into my mental well being.

But if I continued doing the things I did just because I couldn’t change , and couldn’t see the now as it is, denying myself to myself, then friends I’m unreasonable.

Not only to myself but to all of you out there, for friends, every phase and every stage requires some one to take charge to fill up a position vacant there.

How can you overcrowd a stage, where others befitting the role are awaiting their turn?

Move on for your done there.

Go ahead and occupy your right place thus creating a void to be filled up and filling a void waiting to be occupied.

That is just what is reasonable. So stop being unreasonable calling it reasonable.

Take charge and change, for yonder is the discovery to the wonder called life.

There seems no reason to reason anymore, you had to just be and see.

Like when the first wave of the pandemic hit us , it came as a shock and seemed unreasonable to us all.

But what we couldn’t see was that there was reason for it all.

We had lost our sensitivity towards our mother earth.

Mutiliated it to the very core, and it forced us to just be and see, and that is when we saw reasonability in it’s unreasonability.

It asked us to change, change our exuberant lifestyles and self centred behaviour.

And as we saw, there came a shadow of light amidst the blinded dark of night.

But alas, some saw light in the dark, and the spark caught them in a frenzy.

They decided to do away with isolation, and did the unreasonable, making it look like reasonable.

So they decided to fight the pandemic, gathered together, dancing and singing, masked down.

Well what do you think just happened?

The corona virus spread further, leading to more infected people and a large number of deaths.

Economies crashed, people became jobless, and the homeless walked in large flocks to their hometowns, increasing the risk of it’s spread.

It spread far and wide, but then all we did was to shirk and smirk ,

Wasn’t it the fault of the government?

For as we reasoned, we were reasonable, in wanting to do the things we once did.

Pandemic or no we couldn’t care less.

For we were frustrated sitting at home, and after a whole lot of activities we did to entertain ourselves, and to fight the spirit of despair, we were done.

Now it was only reasonable that we walk out, and so we did things in galore.

For we had learnt to unite and spread the feeling of brotherhood, which would lead to love and compassion for each other.

Yes true but that was apt for the time it was taught.

“So what ? aren’t we carrying out the traditions of the yesteryears?

How can you be so unreasonable as to not carry out the wishes of our forefathers?” said the righteous.

As I heard this a bell rang from within, ” Reasonability has left reason.”

For one can we define reason?

Reason is the cause of trouble, sorrow, trauma wars etc.

A reasoning beyond any reason, is the responsibility one has towards himself/herself.

A love, a care and an understanding, a listener with a ear,

A person who is here, who can hear.

Is this not just reasonable?

When you know you have nothing to lose or win, then you’re not out or in.

For all you do is just be present with the listener, and not let the mind take over,

Then you just don’t say , ” That what is for you, is not what is for me”.

“No Oh no no”.. says life.

I’m the same everywhere, but each of you perceive me differently. One sees my sunny bright side, and the other sees the dark night.

Just be here for when you see my dark side look deeply into it, and from it you will see the coming of a promising light.

But if you shut your eyes and divert yourself from the darkness of sorrow, you will never know the light.

For as you shun away one, the other automatically gets shunned.

Rise above the dark and light, and see how they turn from day to night.

Then the reason for sorrow and pain do not seem unreasonable,

For reason leaves behind it’s reasoning and works on understanding now.

Then the unreasonable .and the reasonable just don’t seem to exist

For Reason and resonability is neither for you or me to decide, it’s the inner sight that sees it right.

A whisper in my ear…

A turmoil in my brain, as to what to do and what not to?

Around me, all I could comprehend was hurt, sorrow, conflict terrorism, corruption etc..

Yes it is all around and in this life of which we are a part..

Are you disturbed? I admit I am..

Why oh why can’t peope live as friends in peace and prosperity?

Isn’t there enough for everyone?

The universe is abundant, and infinite, and we are a part aren’t we?

So why the stress and anxiety?

Why is this yours and that mine? Why are we so divided?

Your religion or mine, doesn’t sound at all fine.

Then why do we run from here to there, in search of something not there.

For religion has no region, and no division, said a whisper in my ear.

So how could you use it to inculcate fear?

Fear rooted in the tree of desire, born out of the pleasure for more.

More happiness, more money &more fame.

Was all this needed by the name?

Or was there more to it..

Well said the whispering voice, ” That’s just not all my friend,

You’ve asked for more, so take it all..

I wondered what I had asked for, was I not innocent in my strive?

I only wanted to thrive? What was wrong I asked myself,

That intruding whisper heard it all, for the next thing it whispered was,

” Just your wanting is your desire, and so you invited in,

Anger, hatred, jealousy and all.

You got it all, and with it was born violence and a burning nation.

And while you deem yourself right, you belong to the might.

But stand away, and look again, and then you’ll see that the so called seers,

While holding the torch to lead you on from darkness to light,

Lost their way, stumbled and fell, setting ablaze on mankind,

Atrocities of the worst kind.

But listen whispered the voice from within, ” Just stay still”

You are your own seer and sire.

Am I ? Yes whispered back the whisper, and then out of the blue,

I heard another whisper, I like this , and it is indeed true.

Shhh… Now I know.. that I’ve all I got.

I choose what I am, and will be “

I choose my freedom , over all,.

And then like a lark in the sky so shall I fly.

A journey from 6 to 60….

Incredible!!! Yes yes, I’ll go through it once again..

But yes I’ll pause a little bit,

For as I stand at the beginning of the long bridge, once again,

I realise it has a lot to unfold, but to do that I have to let go,

Of things I experience on the way.

I saw myself at 6, the age of impressions.

my slate was blank till then,

I could choose what I wanted to fill in.

Or could just move on, having it blank all along.

For do you not think as I do, that each day is new,

Each day is a strife, never like the one you left behind.

So how could I fill it up with memories of the yesterday, yester year, and a yester life?

The bridge is beckoning, asking me to walk through again, minus the baggage,

Come on walk light, run and fly, for as you reach the end of the bridge, the wings of freedom will set you free.

Will I succeed, I ask myself?

It made me pause, was this bridge a runway? A runway to a take off.

What if I couldn’t take off?

What if the baggage bogged me down?

Could I just shed it now?

Well I looked in to see what it had, and the pandora box, revealed the me, I didn’t know .

For in the baggage was a hurt I felt when I just turned 6, and that was when an aunt ticked me off.

Thinking I was superior, I tried to play a prank, and she thought I ought to get a spank.

Well thats what good aunts do, teach their wards, but oh dear me, I just learnt it wrong.

I packed it in my bag and carried it all the way, and saw to it that other incidents, added on, like a coating all around,

And as I reached my teens, it grew heftier till I mistook it for me.

As the hurt filled my slate, there were others that followed suit.

Anger and fear of rejection, conditioning, and experiences left their mark,

All snuggled comfortably in my treasured bark.

Then I saw myself huffing and puffing, wondering if I would stop,

For the brook by the meadow, temptingly beckoned.

I hastened my steps to reach out to it, when i met a man on my way,

He was rude and mean, and that got me to scheme.

I opened my pandora box and let out the steam.

I saw myself patting my back, feeling elated.

“Now you see, I told myself, it’s worth the effort,

The baggage is not a waste after all.”

It warded him off, and as I walked off with a beam,

I suddenly realised that I had warded my chance to be by the brook.

I trudged on , the rough road ahead, blaming my fate which put me on a hook.

Till one day I fell, deep into slush, and sighed and cried,

” Oh why only me”, what have I done wrong, for all I did was to walk along,

But walk I did with the baggage on, all along.

And now I was in the midst of mud, my shoulder hurt, my legs stiffened and weak,

I gave up, I had failed and life seemed bleak, and now I was at the brink.

Putting my baggage down, I got up one last time, and reached the precipice.

Bracing to jump, I closed my eyes , One, Two, Three and I was free,

Well friends, it was that split moment, when consciousness intervened, and then,

I threw not myself but the bag of the self I thought was me.

The bag in which I held on to the goal of success, the one which lost me to the spirit of it.

I felt light as I walked on , reached the bridge, and saw a lit up one.

And then I knew I was on the runway to the flight to freedom and joy.

The unwanted baggage of hurts, deceit, despise, and resent, made my journey

fearful, with anger and despair at rejection.

And now as I see it all, its all gone,

Setting competition aside, I sit astride on the vehicle called life.

As it takes me ahead through its journey to love.

Seeing it all I wonder though, did it require me to pass through with all the baggage ,

To realise all I had to do was to shed it like garbage.

Life looked at me winking, ” Wise ass, you know it all now, so let be for now.

But remember to remember not to forget, that a baggage which bogs you down, is garbage to be shed” it said.

And remember you do not have to wait till 60 to do so.

I looked at it in the eye, and saw something I’d never seen before…

It smiled down at me, and for the first time I saw there was no bridge anywhere, I was on a runway to now here..

A flight without a take off or landing..

Looking at it I simply said ” Life You Damn Well Rock”…