On a rainy day….

What do we have here? Yet another rainy day.

Corona Virus, the Lockdown, heavy rains, storms, cyclones, I don’t see anything evading us now.

Yes what I see now is a hope against hope, of evading all of it just now.

Seemingly true is it?

No, it is actually true.

Just sat down on my desk, thinking of the wonderous ways of life, when a message popped up.

It read, ” I’m bored, with lots of free time on my hands”.

I thought to myself “Why do we call free time boring?”

Is it not like a breather, putting you off the hook, and out of the grind of mundane life.

There are no freebies in life, haven’t we heard this so oft?

So today is this free time a freebie or is it time to get free of the mechanical grind life has put us on to.

Does it pass on to you this message as it does to me?

It reads..

This certainly is not free time, it’s time which has come to free you of it.

To free you of time, yes, all that you have learnt and studied just drop it..

Go into what is now, as the now is wonderful.

Learn to establish yourself in it..

This is what it reads….

Succeed and you are successful as

Success means the non access to time.

And time, what is it?

Why have we invented time? Can it just standstill and take us to the timeless zone?

To go into the timeless zone, we need to be out of the time machine, which brings in everything of the past, and carries it to our future.

We see nothing but the images of what we percept, and not what actually is.

Is there something within us, which is beyond our image?

An image is what we have formed for everything, for eg, somebody hurt me in the past, and it stuck on in a corner of my mind, creating an image of that person.

So the next time I meet this person, I will not meet her as she/he is, but as an image that I have formed of her/him.

Similarly society has created an image of the rights and wrongs, the should be’s and shouldn’t be’s , the good the bad, based on religious norms and cultural conditioning.

These norms in society may have been made by wise learned people in the past, who felt the need to implement it then, but then time took over as we carried it over to today.

So time came in , the past ruling our now.

We cannot enjoy this moment, because as I sit back I remember “oh what fun we had the days pre lockdown, when we could freely move out .”

The irony dear friend is that when you could do those things as you can’t do now,

you still thought ” Oh wasn’t it better earlier”

So time moves on to take the place of the timeless.

Today we are not here now, as the past has come in and the future then is the now today.

Where then is the actual now, now?

It is buried under what we would call psychological time.

So actually we are not living now, we are living on the dead, and we are mindless to the saying,

“Let the dead past bury its dead”, from the poem ” A Psalm of Life” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Why do we carry it?

Is there something within us, which is beyond our image?

From, hurt to norms, to images created of you and me, to the good images and bad images created by a society no longer today’s, but as we carry all this, we create time, psychological time.

You may have been a different you yesterday, you have evolved since, but my image of you is the one of yesteryears, so I can’t see you as you are, I see you as you were, thus carrying forth time.

Today we have evolved, and we need to stand up to the need of the hour now.

The need today spells the need now.

The need of the hour is to take things in their stride, maintain a cool and calm balance of body and mind in your own simple way.

There is an element of fun, in everything to be done, and life just asks you to pause, and see it.

Is this not a pause in our life?

It certainly is, and you will see it, as you let go of the past, and future contemplation.

Now as this moment has come in all our lives, and as we sit by ourselves doing nothing, can we stop time from entering our space?

Can we give it a piece of our mind? Can we tell it that as an intruder, it will have to face trial, and then quietly leave our space never to tresspass again.

Then you and me can live afresh, in this moment, and now, seeing it wholly as it is.

Yes this is it, I by the window, enjoying the rains, and writing this down, and you too doing what you are doing and enjoying it to the hilt, without letting the trespassers , called good and bad, right and wrong, sad and happy enter your space.

Thus as you let go of them so do you enjoy this space and zone, which is truly yours?

So do I take the liberty to congratulate you on this achievement of yours?

Well to the ones who are on “Yipee, Congratulations dear friends, you’ve earned it all!

A tribute…..

From a mother in law to her daughter in law….

What’s gone wrong with you? said a voice from within..

Do you not know that this is a relationship which is impossible? continued that voice..

Forget it, however evolved you get, you cannot get past this.

A relationship far from cordial is what brands and seals the MIL – DIL, pair.

You really think so, do you? asked another voice, contradicting the first.

Then the first voice told the second one,

“Oh, but she just doesn’t listen at all.

“Many a thing I want to tell her,

Many a thing she ought to understand,

But oh my God, today’s children, they seem impossible.”

“You do not know how our times were? Do you? asked that voice to the other.

If you knew you wouldn’t be so childish in your defence of a girl who has just come today.”

Then continuing within the chatter goes on…

“How does she bring up her child? Oh my god, if I did the same I wouldn’t have been spared,”

“Today times have changed though, so is there anything to say? disgusted 1st voice goes on and on…

The other voice listened intently ,

I went deeper, and deeper and deeper…

Yes as I reached to the core, I realised this was just a score,

For as the deeper voice within said,

Deepi you need to be dumb not to understand,

But as you go deeper still,

You will see that underneath the shades of grey ,

Is the true woman of understanding, who understands the other,

Life is not a score you settle, and try to hold on to the mantle for as long as you can,

Yes this mantle is the mantle of seniority, sacrifice, and good will, a position you strived hard to earn in your yester years.

But then, just realise that they were yester years, and like seasons, they ought to change.

With the changing seasons, and passing of years, enters a new era, ushering the old away.

The romance of life is in its change, and as you change with times, its attractive light falls on you,

taking you away, into your new era.

Your new era begins when your daughter in law comes in to hers.

For as you change to accommodate her, you see things in their true perspective.

And then as you look at her with your eyes, you see you, as you were,

For were you not once a woman, who wanted her independence?

To do the things she always wanted to, to be able to run her house, and stand by her spouse,

Come storm or calm,

It was always a soothing balm,

To know you’ll were there together, in the journey called life.

You both walked , as two different individuals, supporting each other, in your onward journey together, never crossing each other’s paths.

Did you not want this too?

Well then as you did, so does she.

So does the boy who is your son, whose individuality you safe guarded for years to come.

And now as the time is come, to give him the life you sought for him,

Is your little me coming in the way?

Is it that feeling of “Oh I know best drowning it all?”, making you an intruder , the third , a crowd, in the cosy twosome.

For if so, know for sure, your me will get you nowhere but help you stagnate and rot,

And mind you , the one to help you move on, is none other than your daughter in law.

For the transition from son to husband could only happen , when she came in.

Is it not funny, that instead of looking at things in their right perspective, this transition is always treated as a threat.

So much so that a MIL /DIL relationship is treated sceptically, and each word any of them say to the other, is construed with hidden meanings.

The well meaning mother in law, always thinks she is the protector of the household, and is indispensable, and Oh my God, the trivialities become priorities thus making it the only way in life.

Sorry here, but the vastness of life is reduced to,

” What do I do?” & another one is “I’ll have to continue with less time for my activities as handling the household does not seem her cup of tea”, and so on and so forth.

These are age old stories running down from generations on..

Change it super MIL, cause super you are ..

As now on look within, and welcome her with the right intent.

Listen to the deep second voice which tells you

“This threshold, as you crossed years earlier, making it yours, pls open it for her, and let her feel she’s entered hers.

As she enters it, like a whiff of fresh air, a new wave comes in, new ideas, new ways, newer outlook to life comes in.

Its a new fragrance, and there is a wave of change.

Here is life beckoning you on to a newness profound.

Can you stand by her, hold her hand, and show her around.

Can you give her some of yours and take some of hers?

There will be days when many a thing you don’t like about her, as they don’t conform to yours.

But believe me its her way, her way of getting there to were you are.

Now it’s really up to you to give her this space, to bloom and grow forever.

For when she grows and blooms, you know for sure that the seeds you planted years ago have borne fruit.

Also as she blooms, so do you, into a new role, a new life, where you give up the mantle you’ve carried so far.

Yes the mother becomes a complete woman who can move on to discover the next romantic phase of her life carefree and light as she was when she came in.

To move on, change, yourself for you and her, and discover the magical moments which follow you in your onward journey towards light…

And now ,

An open letter to my daughter in law.

You darling can never be my daughter for sure,

However you are as much .

As you walk by your husband hand in hand..

My heart takes a leap,

As I see the truth in ” As you sow so you reap.”

The seed of love, has borne fruit,

And as you walk along with the man of your life,

I’m proud you are his wife.

Also as I go deeper within,

I find within a woman, who knew another one.

One who knew and understood the other for what she is..

Thus sealing a bond of understanding, and love , leading to a friendship of a lifetime…

Yes and this is it for you and me, as always will be…

A relationship so deep, giving meaning to living.

For as we move ahead together as friends, we’ve got to the very core of living,

Which indeed is the strong bond of its relations..

And as I move on,

I feel the winds of freedom, smell their fragrance, as I know for sure,

That my job here is done, and that love, care and compassion, will grow forever,

and will pass on to our generations to come, and in the environment around us, and also further away…

Thank you, for being you, as you are…

May you be always blessed forever…

Loads of love, and lots of smiles, as you traverse your miles….

On the journey to love and light….

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly…

Hi, there !!

This is just not about the classic movie of 1966, ” The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly “….

This just came in…

It’s different and is based on the movie of the mind..

This is when the mind takes over in deciding the good and the bad.

As we are constantly on the move, we encounter the good and the bad, everyday on a regular basis.

I’m not just talking about physical movement, but the movement of our minds, precisely our thoughts too.

Well dearies aren’t our minds working overtime?

Seeing things which aren’t actually actual.

Yes they do appear to be as we would like them to be.

What seems to be real, is the reflection of real, as you see it in your mirror.

Yes you reflect what you want to see, and then label it real.

And the good and bad are just other labels you add, as per you.

Don’t we prefix everything with how nice, or how awful?

Look carefully, and understand, is there a good or a bad?

Is there nice or awful?

As I see it, someone with the bare minimum cannot afford anything much, but what he can afford is to smile all along…

How come? ’cause he sees it as is, there does not seem like any label is attached.

There we go again…

Haven’t you often heard that what seems to be good to you, may not seem so to the other?

Well want to reflect on it?

If so then stand away from that mirror, and reflect not on your reflection of it, but on it.

And as you stand away so you see, a you in me, a me in him, and so on…

There seems to be absolutely no division.

All our characteristics are the same, features the same, only the reflection of light falling on us may vary from time to time, sometimes bright, and sometimes dull.

Its this reflection which portrays us as different, in being and in our situations too.

Then on the basis of this can good and bad be one?

Yes, they are whole, for there cannot be one without the other one.

They are a package deal, amalgamated in the whole.

Take it or leave it, says the voice from within.

Let’s live within this duality and accept both as they are, and then, want to see what follows?

A wisdom, which allows you to smile through your suffering and pain, thus letting go, of them as easily as they came in.

For dear friends isn’t it not that the way of life is as is?

It comes and goes, the waves on the shore, the high tide and the low , the day and the night, the dark and the light.

Happy today, sad tomorrow are you?

Well when you are happy you do not want to believe it can change, and when sad you want it to change.

Oh dearies, this was not the way it was meant to be. It was meant to be taken as is, in your stride, without a high or a sigh.

It is only when the good and bad , are not taken in as they are, then that is what turns ugly.

” When you are happy and you know it clap your hands, happiness or joy to me is that state of mind which is a constant. It does not invite a sad, for anything bad.

For if you know there is good in bad and bad in good, and see them as they are, you understand the simple game of life.

Then as the good and bad play hide and seek, and as you play on, there is one thing which gets omitted automatically, the ugly….

Knock Knock whose there?

Weary of life, I sat by the table at the window, my temporary coffee table, sipping coffee, when Sara joined me, with her cup of tea.

Yes Sara felt the same too, as discussing the current state of affairs, and hearing about the same, on the news channel, lead us nowhere, except to where we were, clueless and lower in spirits than we were when we enthusiastically began.

So I said to her “Let’s go home”

We walked out and headed to our respective homes.

This time I made sure I went home.

As most of the time, on my way home, I was always caught up knocking at another’s home, so missed knocking on mine.

So as I knocked at the door of my familiar home, a stranger opened it, and lo and behold before I thought it may be the wrong door I knocked on, the stranger told me that the home is mine alright and she being here was right too.

A stranger I never knew, and what was she doing in?

Oh come on I said “I don’t know you and how is this right?”

“You can’t know me, as you’ve never seen me”, said this beautiful girl out of the blue.”

“Are you joking?”, I asked seriously.

“This is your problem , you have no faith, go away and come back another day.” she said

“Why? Is it because you want to stay on , you are shooing me away?” I asked.

I was out so long, but was lucky to have not lost my way home. I thought to myself.

Angry that she occupied my home, while I was away, I told her that as an intruder she needed to explain her being here.

and she looked at me, with those beautiful eyes and said plainly but firmly “No”, I am not intruding”.

“Also I could explain but can you listen? “

Nodding my head , I agreed, cooling down and lent my ears solely to what she was about to say.

I was curious and could not comprehend how a trespasser could so confidently explain her stay in my home.

So as I sat down she spoke,

” Do you remember when you left, why you left and how you left?

I shook my head as she continued,

“As a child you saw stars in the skies, the fresh breath of the evening breeze, the waves in the sea, and then all of a sudden you stopped seeing ,didn’t you?

I nodded, and she continued , can you remember when?” she asked.

“I guess I was 5 or 6 when I saw these intently, and then all of a sudden I went blank.” said I.

“Yes , slowly then you got involved in the other attractions around you, and as you went deeper and deeper into the world, the attractions, got the better of you, and suddenly you started performing brilliantly, as per the definition of world brilliance, and yes there you were, trapped in the mesh of the world, no different from the others, as the grip of this mesh is just too much to come out of.

You were caught in the mesh of the highs and lows, as that me within is not just a name you call yourself, harmlessly, but it likes the adjective good attached to it, and when you get the title of good , it wants better and best too, and then as you reach the peak of brilliance, you fall, naturally, into the lows unacceptable by your me ego.

So stuck within ,you can’t know about the joy of being still, until you find your way home.

I was listening and understanding, and all of a sudden I felt pleased she was here.

Well why did I leave this wonderful haven at all?” I wondered.

As I struggled to find an answer she said” Hey, do you know, that we all leave home, and are expected to, as we need to find something more deeper”.

However, most of us do not go that deep and just leave home to earn a living, and then as we fulfil our basic needs we run behind the very attractions which come our way.

As soon as our needs are fulfilled we go for more and forget our way home.

In actuality this happens when we focus for our need for food, clothing and shelter, but really they are just by products, of a higher purpose, and they are fulfilled automatically as we move towards our purpose.

Do you not think there is enough for everyone, out here?

The problem arises when we lose out on the reason we are here, and grab more than our share of essentials.

Then comes the greed, and a division of yours and mine, and it is not only you, as you make up the whole so it is in all, this explains division of nations, religion, political parties etc. that is when abundant essentials become a shortage.

Unfortunately most of us forget that the highs lead to the lows too, the cause of unrest and misery.

By the way, you are lucky you’ve come home, but do you really see what is?

Do you see that beneath that superficial cloak and mantle, lies a beautiful soul who does not need any of it, and just needs to be who she is.”

” Well I don’t get you, I am what I am”, I told her off very offensively.

“I’m sure your not the real you, cause you never had anger or despair.” she stated.

“How do you know it “? I asked.

Well before you question me on this could you question yourself as to who you are? ’cause if you find that out then you have solved the whole mystery, she calmly explained.

As I questioned myself , it seemed suddenly evident that I definitely was not the me I knew all along.

I knew I loved differently, but slowly as I got caught into the whirlwind of life, I moved away from the things I loved, into the love of things I thought I ought to love.

Each of us are made, to follow the paths we love in our journey of life, thus reaching us to our goal.

Our paths, designate roles we play, as I saw myself playing the role of the responsible daughter, wife, mother and on and on… but it had to end when the show ended. As you play it well, it leaves you enriched, but only if you move on.

As you move on, then comes the realisation, that all your roles are done, and you need to go home.

If you do not understand this basic truth, and wander around like a wanderer does, getting just used to playing roles, and forgetting your real purpose then you are lost.

You did that too, took up a new role mantle, every time, thinking that a time will come, when you could go home.

But as you think it never is, as here time comes in, and fools you into believing there will be a time for you.”

Indeed she was speaking the truth, and as I went deeper, I realised I played the roles too seriously, forgetting my real self, my real love, which conflicted from within, and that was the reason of my anger.

I had disabled myself from myself, by trying to be the good person of the world.

In the eyes of a society , who were lost too.

So in reality I was lost as I followed a path determined by lost people.

As my habits memories and conditions got hold of me, urging me to play new roles , I forgot home.

Grace got me home, and then I knew who she was as she whispered in my ear, “Hi, welcome home, your time is here and now.”

Yes this beautiful girl was me, and I was home at last….

Coffee by the window… Coffee diaries 3

Intoxicated, I am at the coffee table , comfortable to be able to comprehend the nature of  my intoxication.

As you and me seem to be the same..

There’s a side of me I didn’t know in you, and vice versa.

So as I look at life’s different sides, out pops, from within generations of people, who beg to differ to unite.

Yes, today my coffee table is by the window, amidst a whole lot of my lovely friends enjoying the onset of the tail end of the Lock down.

Invited I was to join them, but I preferred to sit by the window and watch them walk enjoying the cool breeze.

Was I different from the lot?

For if I was alike, I would be doing what they did, walk down.

We were all in for nearly 3 months now, and now we all had  to use our individual discretion to move around cautiously, each one ensuring their own safety and protecting the other’s in the best way possible.

Seems a fair deal doesn’t it?

Well as I looked out I realised that I was one with them, and also realised that this vast diverse yet whole universe, needed us to be different and play different roles, to complete the whole.

Well just as you may think and wonder what this is all about, I unfold this little example of two buddies, as different as they were alike.

Paddu and Reenu, were neighbours in Calicut, and grew up together, exploring and playing games as every child does.

Childhood is that period  which allows you to be as you are, naturally, fresh, without any inhibitions. It seems as if you have just come in from the garden of heaven, and are enriched by all those qualities of love, and care, and uninhibited you exhibit yourself as you are. No pretence no mockery, just childish pranks.

Yes and exploring the world seems a norm with all of them, as they excitedly view the world as if it were an adventurous playground.

Now Paddu lived in a huge joint family,  grandparents, uncles, aunts and she had two siblings, whereas Reenu was the only child of her parents, and lived in a nuclear family.

Paddu learnt to help around the home, and learnt to be considerate to the needs of her family members, and also learnt to be outspoken and bold where it came to getting her way for the things she required to have and couldn’t compromise on.

So as she grew she was caring and sensitive of the needs of others, as well as her needs too.

She was loved by all and was never deprived of it.

Reenu on the other hand came from a wealthy background, but missed out on the wealth of relationships. She was provided with all the comfort and care at home.

Her parents were too busy juggling their lives with their unfulfilled aspirations, that her emotional needs were ignored.

However, whenever they met , and played they had the same likes, played the same games and enjoyed all activity, similarly.

Then as childhood departed they went their separate ways into their own worlds.

In their worlds they reacted to situations based on the outcome of their memories of experiences and teachings of the past.

Needless to say, their choice of life partners too depended on the same.

As they worked their way on the path of life, the many hurdles they faced the more determined were they to move ahead.

Paddu was indeed sensitive to the needs of all, and felt the need to work for the larger good, whereas Reenu took care of her home needs and loved her children deeply fulfilling their emotional needs, thus making them lovable citizens and good human beings.

Both of them contributed to society in their own way, and fulfilled their purpose.

They were alike in their fulfilment of purpose and differed in the way they did so.

Nothing was right or wrong, as the many paths in life are meant for its variety of travellers, each choosing the one they are meant to, as per their aptitudes and purposes.

Its only when the traveller gets waylaid and tries to follow a path not his, is when he misses out on his destination, the one he came in for.

When you believe in something have faith in that belief, and do not get waylaid by another.

This is exactly how Paddu and Reenu contributed to life in their own efficient ways, where each believed the path they walked on, unaffected by the path of another.

Now as I tell you this, I looked out of the window, and the cool breeze, chirping of birds and friends walking down, I enjoy seeing them from my place here as much as they enjoy their space out there in the cool breeze.

As we get along playing our various roles in this vast diverse yet whole universe, let’s realise that roles are many and all we need to know is that whichever  we choose, we need to do it wholly and with conviction. Then we reach our desired goal and unite in the whole.

So as the taste of the last sip of coffee, dipped in, it left me with a taste of positivity, as I acknowledged its taste and also the fact that we are only diverse to conjunct,

Deep in, this seeped just as that last sip of coffee did….

Bye for now, till we meet again…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Change is in the air.. Coffee Diaries 2

Aw dear, reminiscing my coffee days, I hit upon our present situation..

Covid 19, am I dreaming, or is it true? well I pinch myself hard, and ouch it hurts..

Truly true… and then again I ponder on the sensational news that has whetted our appetites to a major extent, but only to the effect of asking for more. That is when sensations attack our sensibilities and reasoning.

Sensations have got the better of us, down to the worse,  let’s not let it take over..

Don’t you think as I do, that everywhere all over, we are fitted with a special power, a discretionary one, separating the wise from the unwise, the true from the false, the sensible from the stupid..

Well that is intelligence, a much higher one, which has  within, wisdom, truth, sensitivity.

The   story  of Evan below clearly defines it.   He let intelligence take over and sift out the grain of sensitivity, a feeling for others, from sensitiveness, the selfish me..

Evan and me,  met over coffee, to discuss a project we were completing together.

This was just before the lockdown had started , and it was interesting to note that the  otherwise very hyper Evan, had a strange calm on his face, as we entered our favourite joint Coffee by Di Bella , on a cool February evening .

As we went deep into discussions, I suddenly  felt that something was different,  this certainly wasn’t the Evan  I knew a few months ago.

There was no sign of him getting irritable, or conflicting, or arguing on the inputs I gave him.

Instead he listened to what I had to say, to all my inputs, and then with as if he was speaking from somewhere else and not his mind he said ” Deepi, looking at this project with your view point, I understand your feedback, and appreciate it, but if only you could see this whole thing from another view point too”. Then he added we could have a whole project, and not a one sided one.

So can we meet up next week again to review the project as a whole”?

OMG!!!! What a transformation!!!

Anyways I silently agreed, and we met up again the next week.

This time, the project was complete, as it was whole, each of it had every bit whole.

It was fool proof, and as we hit it off, together,  I insisted we meet up again, the next day, to have coffee without an agenda.

He smilingly consented as if he knew what I had in mind.

So, the next day, Di Bella opened its doors, to two new comers, new absolutely to each other.

We sat down on a different table, not the one we usually sit at, and looked at each other with unknown eyes, and that was when I listened to his story, the change he made in his life.

For a few years now, Anna ( His wife) and he were having problems in their relationship with each other.

They have a cute little 5 year old daughter, and both of them love her dearly.

However Anna being a headstrong woman and dominating had her own rules and regulations, and Evan started feeling suffocated living a life, where his space was encroached.

He was forever criticized and advised, and silently over the years he bore the brunt as he had that lingering fear that she would walk away with Diana, their little princess.

As he narrated ” The other day as I was silently observing myself and my attitude towards life, I realised that I just couldn’t let myself down, after all I had earned this life, as we all have, and there was no way I was going to let it slip off my hands.

Then as I looked at everything differently, not with my eyes, based on my fears, but with the way things are, I saw that if I was ever living in this rut for my love for Diana, then I was just being sensitive of my need to protect her.

What sought of a shoddy life would she lead, if I lived a supressed unhappy life, and a life where her every day living would witness conflicts and arguments?

Would it not be better that I let Anna go?

Never mind if she took Diana, she loved Diana and she would give her the best, in the best way she knew.

So , I made up my mind, and went up to Anna, and said

” Darling we have had good times together, but right now I guess its time we bid each other bye, as overstaying in each other’s space we will be just intruding each other. So let’s call it a day.”

She was shocked and stunned, but her ego got in the way, and she told me that if that is what you want, so be it. However I will take Diana along.

I said ” I would love to have her, but if that is what you want, so be it”

Well in the next few days, there was very little communication between us, and what little there was, it was courteous.

I was hurt, but I stood my ground and painfully let  Anna and my  precious Diana go.

Well guess what?

A few months later, Anna called up, and asked if we could meet up for coffee, and here we came, right where we are sitting today.

That is when I saw a new Anna, there was understanding and compassion in her eyes, and when she spoke it seemed from the heart  ” Evan,  I have come to realise, that I  have behaved selfishly, and taken you for granted without ever thinking once about your feelings.

Just because I had a shoddy childhood with a stern mother, I thought I had earned the right to do as I want and behave shoddily with you too, as I had suffered a lot, so it suddenly became all about me, and mine to the exclusion of everything else.

I was sensitive to mine with the exclusion of you, sensitivity I had lost.

It was only when you let me go did I realise that you were the bigger person, sacrificing all, even having Diana with you, just to give her a better life free from conflict.

I know I have not earned the right to ask you if you would have me back, but if so , I promise you will not regret it, and if not please forgive me.”

I was astounded, Anna could change, I never thought so.

Anyway we are back and happy ever after.”

When in life you get on to the wrong path, don’t pursue the wrong  road, reroute, and set yourself on the right track where calm in body and mind, you move towards freedom.. ”

Change is in the air, and Change is the only way we die to the old and embrace the  new, isn’t it what life is all about?

Let go, please and experience life with the new found  freedom, its fragrance is like, he fumbled for words to describe and paused, as I continued

“Like the  fragrance of strongly brewed coffee, as you sip, the fragrance seeps in, and as it disappears inside you,  the fragrance remains forever….

So as you take a sip of the new life awaiting, sip it for what it is, and not for what you want it to be, as dear friends you are what makes you, limited as per your experiences, so to enjoy the whole, let go of you, and sip it with a new found gusto.

Evan smiled  and winked at me,  saying ” Bravo you’ve learned the math”..

Yes you got the math right too, and now as we step into this  new phase of life,

Let’s let go of old ways and get into this phase, with a new found gusto, die to the old and embrace the new.

I  thanked him and now  knew that some of his magic had rubbed off on me.       Coffee by Di Bella, looked like it never did earlier….  or was it my eyes seeing it for what it is like I never did earlier?

Awaiting the next  with strong coffee by the side ,brewed just right…

 

 

 

 

The Coffee Diaries….

Sipping my hot strong coffee, at Coffee by Di Bella, my favourite joint, in that wonderous space under the skies, my eyes met a confidant smart remarkably cool lady in her 50’s. She seemed familiar, and as she came closer, I knew now, no I didn’t, did I?  A little more closer, and yes I squealed she was Bela, my childhood friend. But wait was this the same Bela? The one I knew was not like the one I saw, but yes she was Bela alright, and then her eyes met mine,   and the next thing we heard were our voices, ” Aw Deepi , Oh Belaaaa, we excitedly squealed causing heads to turn, and as we smiled so did they, as if to say we too are equally pleased to see you both together again.

Wow sometimes wonderous things do happen, and today was one such day.

Bela and me were childhood pals, however, as we grew older, our paths separated, and now nearly 30 years later we met again.

A shy and complaisant girl she was never one of my kind, but there was a chemistry between us, and we hit it together, till we completed college, and then she went abroad for further studies.

Initially we were in touch corresponding through letters, and then slowly the letters diminished and discontinued. Those were the technology unfriendly days.

So now as we met, a hurricane of emotions leading to moments of  the past reigned the present.

We saw each other with the eyes of the past, knew each other, or thought so we did.

As we delved on the past, we were surprised that we recalled each incident as clearly as if it had taken place just then.

Then we moved on, to the various twists and turns our lives had taken, and I was shocked to hear, her story, of being over protected, to the extent that her parents got her married to a boy of their choice, she never had a say in it and neither did she ever think she needed one. Then her husband took charge of her life, ruling it the way he wanted to, and then came her children, whom she fended for, giving in the best years of her life.

She had accepted it all, as if that was to be her role in life, till one day, her husband came home all drunk, with another woman by his side, telling her to fend for the  new love of his life and also told her that from now on she was going to live with them and no questions and no disagreements were to be entertained.

Well this was indeed the last straw.

Something got into Bela that night. I guess she saw herself for what she actually was and not for what she was made to be.

Bela walked out of the huge mansion in Hampshire, London which was her home for over 2 decades,  early the next morning,  firmly, leaving a goodbye note, and  never  looked back again.

She had grit, and as I looked at Bela, her new self just appeared in front of me, and I suddenly discovered that I did not know her.

I knew her,  on the basis of her past, but I didn’t know her now.

That is exactly what I want to bring out to all of you, the past rules and reigns us.

We live in the present, based on memories, habits, ideas and conditions accumulated over the years, so actually our past reigns the present, and then when we reach tomorrow, our future,  it will be reigned by our today present, which is reigned now by our past. So the past will even rule our future, and that is  clear in the  term we hear and say oft ” History repeats itself”, it is not just a saying, it is for you to know and change it .

Bela let the past rule her for 20 years, and then she realised this was not her, but an illusion within her, which lead her journey, and this realisation made her quit. History never repeated itself in Bela’s life. Today she is an accomplished journalist, and a confidant happy person, with no regrets.

Do not let history repeat itself, and special cheers to Bela, who could have continued her life the way she was accustomed too, and also compulsively brood over it for the rest of her living years.

However, surprising to note that despite all the disparity, the spark within her had not died off, and she rekindled it the day she decided to move out of her home of nearly 20 years, and begin a new life, where she did not let any of her past patterns, memories, conditioning, habits come in her way at that present moment and thus she created a future which was bright, and which led to an accomplished life, also  she did set an example for all of us to understand and conduct our lives the way we want to.

“Deepi, I learnt to know myself, understand myself and now I am here in front of you, do you know me?? she cheerful said.

Ha ha ha, Bela good one, I’ll cherish this for keeps”.

And as we walked out together, everything seemed illuminated, making life light and understandable.

You are not a bundle of memories, habits and conditioning. 

Discover your real you and live the life meant for this real you.

Bye for now…

Love you all, and more in the next, on the coffee table, side by side, with coffee brewed strong and just right..

Me too in herd ???

Ashita decided to  wrap up her simple humble career in the village, which though gave her a lot of satisfaction, left her yet unsatisfied.

She had studied medicine, and was a senior doctor in a hospital , at the outskirts of Sangli, where medical facilities were  limited and dedicated doctors like her were like blessings from above.

So when to the dismay of the whole village, she announced that she was leaving, the whole village was in a state of shock.

“She was happy and content, then what made our dear doctor Ashita take this step”, said Ramlal ,  to Sharad Chauhan, their  chieftain , known as  Sarpanch  of the village.

“We need to get to the bottom of this” said Sharad Chauhan.

So a meeting was held, where Ashita was asked to be present.

Ashita went to the meeting which was held the next day, that is a day after she had announced her leaving the village.

As she walked her way to the Sarpanch’s office she had mixed feelings.

She usually commuted on her moped, but today somehow, things were different.

She needed sometime to herself, and the best solution seemed to be to walk it up, and as she did so she pondered within what made her take up the lucrative offer, which came her way, all of a sudden out of the blue, from Mumbai, the glamourous city, which was also her home?

Maybe as she reflected, the offer was too good to resist.

As  she retraced her life, she discovered that even as a small kid, she loved gardening, tending to little saplings, watering them,  and as they turned into full bloom, she loved the way they blossomed, and flowered, admiring their each little flower, from the budding stage to the blossoming.

Then when her parents wanted her to settle down, she insisted on getting into the medical stream, and worked her way up the medical ladder, in order to serve people.

In order to serve people was that what she thought?

Then what had happened?

Was she not serving people?

What made her think of resigning?

As she went back into observing her thoughts, she came across another layer, of them, which came above the first one.

Well these thoughts were the recollection of  the conversation she had with her friends, her peers a few months ago, when she had gone home visiting her parents.

They had met up at a party, and as discussions were on, as to their careers and career graphs, all of them, Ruchi, Mathew, Ronnie and Sakshi, all who had graduated from the same medical college as she, were doing very well, monetarily as well as socially.

They had updated themselves and were constantly working on new upgrades, and new technological developments did not miss their keen eye, thus upgrades all along, put them on to the fast track to success.

When they heard about her work and how she treated villagers with the minimum of tools yet to the best of her ability, they were astounded till Ruchi, burst out at her and said” Ashita,  I understand your need to serve the poor and needy, but there has to be a limit, you need to come back home and join our team of dedicated doctors if you really want to grow and climb the ladder to success”.

Though, Ashita refused  their offer, adamantly, it did set her thinking.

” She knew now that her friends were not wrong and Ruchi had spoken enough on behalf of all of them.

Still pondering and in a state of dilemma, she went home and spent a sleepless night in bed.

She enjoyed being home and working from the home environment, and this could be the best thing which could happen for her.

She knew this all along, then why did she opt otherwise?

Well confused, she decided to give herself a break from deciding what could be best for her, and much to the dismay of her parents, she cut her trip short and went back to her village, where she practiced.

She had a choice to make, and this seemed to be the right time.

She was just 26 years old, and at the prime of her life and career.

Then as things would have it, sometimes in a dilemma, when you are confused, certain things come your way, and push you on towards making a  choice which seems appropriate.

She was in the midst of treating her patients, when all of a sudden Ramesh, the 13 year old, in her neighbourhood ran up to her, crying desperately that his mother was very serious and to please come soon.

Ashita, left her patients to run to the help of Rani, Ramesh’s mother, and on examining her realised that she would have to be rushed to the hospital, as there was an internal haemorrhage, and she was bleeding profusely.

She called for the ambulance, and knew she would have to admit her, in the BMC hospital in Sangli, which was at least 8 kms away.

The ambulance arrived in about half an hour, and despite the paramedics extended to her, Rani could not survive, as neither the ambulance or the temporary hospital at the clinic was equipped  to face major emergency  cases.

This incident shook her, and instead of standing ground, she broke from within, thinking it best to return to her home, where she would be able to do more justice to her profession as resources available would be plenty.

And now as she walked towards, the Sarpanch’s office, she had mixed feelings from within.

Was she running away?

Or was she carried away and wanted to join the Me Too gang, which includes most people, who miss their heart callings, thus miss the head start in life ,which always comes along with the heart and not the mind?

Me too, is the me in you, which loves being like the other me, that is the herd mentality, which leads you on, to a life in the herd.

Ashita had been on her job here since she graduated 2 years ago, and enjoyed being out of her herd, but now their was a pull to team up with them, and it seemed strong now.

Would she give up her individuality, and join the herd?

She slowly walked down the pathway, by the river Warana, and passed the little school in the lane ahead. The familiar route had a fragrance indescribable.

The cool evening breeze, brushed across her face, and she was glad that she had tied up her hair.

She felt free, there was no hair coming over her face into her eyes, and then all of a sudden something strange happened,

As the hair was restrained, enabling her to enjoy the breeze over her face, she realised she loved her job, and if lack of  resources and technological updates which restrained her enjoying her work, were reversed nothing would ever come in her way and change her decision of staying back here and serving the people.

It was indeed the lack of proper facilities, which caused her to think otherwise.

Now by the time she reached the Sarpanch’s office, she had clarity.

She was an individual who stood by herself for herself, and that seemed final.

” She was definitely not a Me too person.

So in she went and met the committee members   Sharad Chauhan, Ramlal and Manoharlal,  warmly and as they coaxed her to change her decision, she came out with a brilliant idea, telling them that the only way they could coax her to stay, was by upgrading their resources, and she in turn as per her part of the deal would upgrade herself too with the latest technologies and procedures and together they would be able to turn the village into a healthy haven.

As they all agreed, and thanked each other, she smiled to herself, and with a sparkle in her eyes,  she winked at her familiar friends, the birds, the trees,  and the little passer by children ,  knowing very well she had struck a deal, a deal of joy, a deal for herself, one she would never ever regret.

So friends, its only when we observe ourselves without limiting ourselves, by our thoughts based on our conditioning, which teaches us to be competitive, win the race of god knows whose race, and in our struggle to be like the other, that is when you will have a clear vision of who and what you are, thus leaving the herd , the” Me too” gang and standing up for yourself for a joyous life ahead….

 

 

 

The best ever story…

The story I am about to narrate, did not begin when it did, it begins when it ends…

The story of Aaron Roy.

Aaron’s story may be the successful story of many, and it could end up as any, successful story would, with a  happy ending, but then as it ended so it actually began, unlike the others, where the strive is for a happy ending..

Aaron  grew up, seeing his parents struggle, to make two ends meet, and as he shaped up into a teenager, he aspired  otherwise.

He saw their struggle , he saw their strife, so he strived harder, to see that they reach a future away from struggle.

In the bargain he grew up, achieving, first small achievements, like smart sales at his father’s spare parts shop, seeing the stocks diminish and the cash drawers replenish.

Those were the days, when selling was the spelling of success.

Then as he filled his coffers, his requirements increased.

He achieved a little more, and in his enthusiasm to achieve, he slipped down the ladder, not once, not twice but several times.

Well achieving  was in his blood, be it materially or spiritually.

Anything to climb the ladder upward.

Doing so , climbing upward, and slipping down, and then climbing upward again seemed to be his meaning to life.

As if this wasn’t enough, being the Samaritan, and helping out in times of distress, seemed to be a calling, he always answered.

As loads of people benefitted by  his good  deeds, it seemed to give him another sense of achievement.

Living with fewer means than children of his age, and also experiencing deaths of loved ones at an early age,  had inculcated in him compassion, and with this special ability he was able to reach out and connect to people in distress, who worshipped him, which was another feather in his cap of achievements.

Name, fame and riches they were all his.

Then all of a sudden as time flew by, and as the body got weary,  he suddenly stopped on the steady ground where he was grounded.

It suddenly seemed shaky. Was it shaking or was it something within him telling him that what he thought was steady was shaky instead?

Well could he retrace his steps, or was it too late in the day to do so?

Achievements  were the worldly, milestones he crossed with ease, as despite the rough barriers on his path,  he never did cease.

It had become a way of life now.

Then suddenly what happened? What did shake him out of the firm grounds of success as per his beliefs?

Were his beliefs warped?  and if so had he wasted his time and life on their very grounds.

All of a sudden, instead of feeling pleased , he  felt an emptiness within.

Now what? he seemed to be asking himself.

Why was he restless, yet? Was it not what he wanted? Was it something else he wanted to achieve, or was it that this is what he thought life was all about, to live, and achieve, till you stop living .

Was that the definition of a life, so valuable?

As he sat down in despair wondering if this was his story and had he reached the end?

If this was his story, then he was sorry, for he knew now, that an entire life spent on a belief system could lead you to achieving your beliefs but then was it not important to live life the way it shows you to.

Aha but then again you cannot see it as it is, and cannot taste its nectar, as your cup is filled with your belief systems.

Oh my what had he just got himself to do, to be?  he so wondered.

An achiever of a story which was not his? or a non achiever to a story that was his?

Whatever, at this point of time his story did not seem the best.

Now he was restless and desperate to find an answer.

Then as his desperation intensified, he realised he was asking for another achievement, being the habitual achiever, who believed in achieving.

This time however, he knew for sure, that achieving was not what he was striving for, but for an awareness, without strive, of what is, and of himself and as he became aware of this achieving  tendency of his,

He Just Let Go.

He let go of all he knew, and all of it, the strive for achievement, the  feeling of must do to survive, the time table around which he revolved, and all of his belief systems, by just watching it all come into him, as he observed himself by himself.

Then suddenly all was calm, as  nothing mattered, except the silence which made him serene, calm, and opened up into another window, a dimension he had never seen.

Yes it was that intellect which surpassed all, and there was love, beauty, compassion, all there, and it was there all along.

He did not need to ever have strived to achieve this.

Was it a life wasted in strife, was it too late now?, he asked himself

when all of a sudden a voice said from within,

No its now and you are here at the very beginning…

 

To all of you my besties, can we do our best?

As I recollect , an incident my mom mentioned to me, which occurred during her early childhood and left a mark on her, and not only on her, it passed on to us too, as being her children, she firmly instilled in us, this special quality of discretion, bestowed to mankind to be used  by man during stormy times.

Today being one such weather, I recall this little incident and wish to present it to you.

My mother being the eldest daughter, lived with her widowed mother  Leela, and her two younger sisters, in Pune, with one of Leela’s many brothers.

They were all refugees from Karachi where my mother’s maternal grandfather had a sprawling mansion, and when they reached Bombay port, all of them  including Leela, her 5 brothers, their parents and all their families lived in a refugee camp at Bombay Central, before diversifying to different cities, Bombay, Pune and Hyderabad  in India.

My mother Pushpa was around 10 then and along with her mother and two sisters had a pretty adventurous, though rugged and tough life ahead, shuttling every few years from one uncle’s house to the other.

Since Leela had a very huge family,  after she was widowed at the age of 27, she shuttled between their homes, as in those good old days, staying all alone with 3 small daughters, was simply unheard of.

Anyway to get to the point, at that given point when this incident occurred,  mom and family lived with one brother at Pune, and her grandfather lived with another brother. It so happened that both the brothers were out of town with their families and on one fateful rainy night during this period,  her grandfather fell very ill, and was breathless requiring a certain medicine urgently.

Leela, acted fast, and  did not think twice before sending 10 year old Pushpa at night, in the rains to deliver the medicine to her ailing  grandfather.

Her Grandfather was alone at one end of town, and to reach to him she  would have to cross over the now known famous Rajiv Gandhi Bridge. Pushpa cycled  fearlessly and fiercely across , her only focus was to reach her grandfather safely and deliver the medicine to him to release his suffering.  She reached her breathless grandfather well at the nick of time, and administered him the medicine.

As she sat down with him, she noticed his eyes were moist with tears, he was overwhelmed, and kissed her forehead, patting her and saying “Shabhash, my Pushu Rani, as he fondly called her.

Then to her utmost surprise, he put his hands in the pocket of his kurta and fished out a fistful of notes and coin and thrust them in her hands, blessing her all along.

She was astounded but tremendously pleased with herself ,it was indeed a memorable night for her, and even more memorable as she realised, that neither rain nor storm nor the dark night, once deterred her from braving it out .

Her only focus was the need of the hour, fear and negative thoughts were all out then . It was a do and die situation.

I still remember  the way she described it to me one day when I took  my freedom for granted, during those  teenage days, when  I would cycle to school, and while coming home in the evening, would stop by visiting friends and staying back late at school, taking extra liberties.

That is when she sat me down to explain this incident, and as  she told me this story she added on ” You never get into an accident if you do what you are required to, no matter how dangerous it may seem”.

However, if you go out of your way to do things you are not required to, you may fall into trouble as accidents then come your way.

Nature keeps its balance, and allows you to get away with what you are meant to do.

However the day you surpass its kindness and destroy it by mutilating it, by your deeds and actions, bringing in unnecessary desires, and labelling them as needs, then dear friends watch out, it will furiously lash out.

So today as we  are on the verge of slowly opening  up, after nature locked us down for what we should consider as its wrath, for our uncanny  ways, lets understand, that before we open up and enter its space are we sure we know what we are doing?

Do we know why we are opening up again?

No nature again warns ,I’m not done, but I want to give you another chance, to put your head on your shoulders, and your heart within.

This is a chance for those of you, who can survive, without coming out of your homes,  then do the needful  “Please for heaven’s sake stay in.”

For those of you, who need to work outside  your homes   a chance to do so,  please come out and do your necessary work .

For those of you who need a breather, a chance to  take one, but only one,

Leave the other for the other one, and patiently await  your turn for a  second .

For those of you who have bread , butter and cheese everyday, have the cheese every alternate day,

For those of you who have cheese every alternate day, have it every third day.

For those of you who want sweet after every meal skip it once in a while.

These are  your chances to give back to an ever giving environment.

For as we do so , not only will we learn what we need and what we  can actually go without, but we will also  go a long way in helping fulfil that someone out there’s need.

The only chance we have is this.

Come on gather up dear friends, pull yourself together, conserve your energy and do your bit by just knowing what you need and what you don’t.

So the next time you pick up or do something, pause, assess and then go ahead.

If you find any of this difficult, then remember the days you enjoyed loitering out on the streets without a break, traversed and ate the best to your heart’s content,  come on know and remember you did it all and a lot of it, so then you can and will  willingly hand over the next six months to sitting at home, or doing your designated job only as per the need of the hour.

 For those who have to go out to work, to enable an economy from becoming disabled, and for those who need to be out to help the ones sick in need of care,  the need of the hour tells them to go out and do only that.

NO SPLURGING  PLEASE. IT IS NOT THE NEED NOW FOR ANYONE PLEASE.

The ones at home can succeed in breaking the chain of the virus, as they will enable space and social distancing to be maintained for those who have to be out of their homes, thus enabling nature to come back to its natural fertility traits, providing an abundance of all  to all, excepting the abundance of ill health, and tragic circumstances..

Lets all  in turn , do our turn and together will turn around the whole equation from Corona infested to Corona divested.

It indeed is a challenge. Lets fight the restlessness from within, and stand tall, to do  our bit, as each of our bits will sum up to reach out far and wide, making your bit the largest you could do as mankind for humankind.