When It Should Be meets It is….


First Spring, followed by summer,  then the fall, before we go into the  cold winters.

We all know it , and the season’s of the year beckon us to get into their spirit, and enjoy them while they last.

As we all know, in order to get into their spirit, over the years, the wise have created festivals marking the seasons, so  we accept them and go along…

Well as we accept nature’s seasons, why do we forget the seasons of our life?

They are demarcated as  the trying season, the prosperous season, the critical season, the learning season, the relaxing one and so on.

Why do we go off, when we get into the trying, critical phases of our life.

As I pondered on this, a few days ago, the answer came in, when J. Krishnamurti

mentioned in his talk on Conflict.

He said that Conflict and non acceptance comes in when the Should be meets the It is.

Then came the big bang, when I went to meet a dear friend, Soni.

She was upset, as she felt her daughter in law (Anya) did not give her due respect, and as I met her, she blurted out,

“Do you know, I really love and care for her, but she has the audacity, to ignore me, and does not even inform me of her important achievements.

I get to know only very later, from the other members of the family.

This really upsets me.”

As if to add on how she was wronged,  she went on describing all the events which took place over the years and how each time despite her best efforts to make sure Anya would confide in her, she was always left dejected.

I realised then , that the conflict was not in the outside, the conflict was within her.

She had like most of us do preconceived notions of right and wrong, memories of yester years, habits and conditions, which cause us to see things as they should be, in accordance with what they actually are.

So when the Should be meets the It is, then is the conflict within us.

Our life is filled with conflicts, and most of it is based on our relationship with each other.

We have specific ideas on how we should behave, and equally expect the other person to reciprocate appropriately.

Most often this does not happen.

When a conflict arises , and you can see it come up, pause and observe, watch yourself and you will see how magically it will vanish, when you realise, that things are not the way you see them, each one has their own should BE’s, you cannot change them, but you can observe yourself and change your should be into an acceptance of It is as it is.

Just like we do not expect winter to step over and take over summer, even though we prefer it to the hot summer months, nor do we expect the summer mango in a winter month.

Soni got the hint, and as conflict within her, slowly diminished, and acceptance took over, there was a warmth and beauty around her, so much so that when I met her again a few months later she whispered something in my ear…

“Deeps that little advice was so magical, something’s happening, as I look at myself in the mirror, I feel I’ve transformed, my features have softened, and I feel I’m, glowing, that the other day Anya, came up to me, and out of the blue, I felt the warmth in her as she hugged me, and confided in me.”

“Dear Soni, all is well but never ever let should be enter the space of It is”, is what I retorted.

Well guys, when stuck, with something you think is in the outside, take a pause and change the direction, go inward, and there you will find the root of your problem, just observe and let it come up, and as it flowers so will it wither.

The withering of the should be will be the withering of conflict from within.

Believe me, it will be easier done than said, because is it not easy to change yourself rather than the entire world.?

You are within your reach…






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