Change is in the air.. Coffee Diaries 2

Aw dear, reminiscing my coffee days, I hit upon our present situation..

Covid 19, am I dreaming, or is it true? well I pinch myself hard, and ouch it hurts..

Truly true… and then again I ponder on the sensational news that has whetted our appetites to a major extent, but only to the effect of asking for more. That is when sensations attack our sensibilities and reasoning.

Sensations have got the better of us, down to the worse,  let’s not let it take over..

Don’t you think as I do, that everywhere all over, we are fitted with a special power, a discretionary one, separating the wise from the unwise, the true from the false, the sensible from the stupid..

Well that is intelligence, a much higher one, which has  within, wisdom, truth, sensitivity.

The   story  of Evan below clearly defines it.   He let intelligence take over and sift out the grain of sensitivity, a feeling for others, from sensitiveness, the selfish me..

Evan and me,  met over coffee, to discuss a project we were completing together.

This was just before the lockdown had started , and it was interesting to note that the  otherwise very hyper Evan, had a strange calm on his face, as we entered our favourite joint Coffee by Di Bella , on a cool February evening .

As we went deep into discussions, I suddenly  felt that something was different,  this certainly wasn’t the Evan  I knew a few months ago.

There was no sign of him getting irritable, or conflicting, or arguing on the inputs I gave him.

Instead he listened to what I had to say, to all my inputs, and then with as if he was speaking from somewhere else and not his mind he said ” Deepi, looking at this project with your view point, I understand your feedback, and appreciate it, but if only you could see this whole thing from another view point too”. Then he added we could have a whole project, and not a one sided one.

So can we meet up next week again to review the project as a whole”?

OMG!!!! What a transformation!!!

Anyways I silently agreed, and we met up again the next week.

This time, the project was complete, as it was whole, each of it had every bit whole.

It was fool proof, and as we hit it off, together,  I insisted we meet up again, the next day, to have coffee without an agenda.

He smilingly consented as if he knew what I had in mind.

So, the next day, Di Bella opened its doors, to two new comers, new absolutely to each other.

We sat down on a different table, not the one we usually sit at, and looked at each other with unknown eyes, and that was when I listened to his story, the change he made in his life.

For a few years now, Anna ( His wife) and he were having problems in their relationship with each other.

They have a cute little 5 year old daughter, and both of them love her dearly.

However Anna being a headstrong woman and dominating had her own rules and regulations, and Evan started feeling suffocated living a life, where his space was encroached.

He was forever criticized and advised, and silently over the years he bore the brunt as he had that lingering fear that she would walk away with Diana, their little princess.

As he narrated ” The other day as I was silently observing myself and my attitude towards life, I realised that I just couldn’t let myself down, after all I had earned this life, as we all have, and there was no way I was going to let it slip off my hands.

Then as I looked at everything differently, not with my eyes, based on my fears, but with the way things are, I saw that if I was ever living in this rut for my love for Diana, then I was just being sensitive of my need to protect her.

What sought of a shoddy life would she lead, if I lived a supressed unhappy life, and a life where her every day living would witness conflicts and arguments?

Would it not be better that I let Anna go?

Never mind if she took Diana, she loved Diana and she would give her the best, in the best way she knew.

So , I made up my mind, and went up to Anna, and said

” Darling we have had good times together, but right now I guess its time we bid each other bye, as overstaying in each other’s space we will be just intruding each other. So let’s call it a day.”

She was shocked and stunned, but her ego got in the way, and she told me that if that is what you want, so be it. However I will take Diana along.

I said ” I would love to have her, but if that is what you want, so be it”

Well in the next few days, there was very little communication between us, and what little there was, it was courteous.

I was hurt, but I stood my ground and painfully let  Anna and my  precious Diana go.

Well guess what?

A few months later, Anna called up, and asked if we could meet up for coffee, and here we came, right where we are sitting today.

That is when I saw a new Anna, there was understanding and compassion in her eyes, and when she spoke it seemed from the heart  ” Evan,  I have come to realise, that I  have behaved selfishly, and taken you for granted without ever thinking once about your feelings.

Just because I had a shoddy childhood with a stern mother, I thought I had earned the right to do as I want and behave shoddily with you too, as I had suffered a lot, so it suddenly became all about me, and mine to the exclusion of everything else.

I was sensitive to mine with the exclusion of you, sensitivity I had lost.

It was only when you let me go did I realise that you were the bigger person, sacrificing all, even having Diana with you, just to give her a better life free from conflict.

I know I have not earned the right to ask you if you would have me back, but if so , I promise you will not regret it, and if not please forgive me.”

I was astounded, Anna could change, I never thought so.

Anyway we are back and happy ever after.”

When in life you get on to the wrong path, don’t pursue the wrong  road, reroute, and set yourself on the right track where calm in body and mind, you move towards freedom.. ”

Change is in the air, and Change is the only way we die to the old and embrace the  new, isn’t it what life is all about?

Let go, please and experience life with the new found  freedom, its fragrance is like, he fumbled for words to describe and paused, as I continued

“Like the  fragrance of strongly brewed coffee, as you sip, the fragrance seeps in, and as it disappears inside you,  the fragrance remains forever….

So as you take a sip of the new life awaiting, sip it for what it is, and not for what you want it to be, as dear friends you are what makes you, limited as per your experiences, so to enjoy the whole, let go of you, and sip it with a new found gusto.

Evan smiled  and winked at me,  saying ” Bravo you’ve learned the math”..

Yes you got the math right too, and now as we step into this  new phase of life,

Let’s let go of old ways and get into this phase, with a new found gusto, die to the old and embrace the new.

I  thanked him and now  knew that some of his magic had rubbed off on me.       Coffee by Di Bella, looked like it never did earlier….  or was it my eyes seeing it for what it is like I never did earlier?

Awaiting the next  with strong coffee by the side ,brewed just right…