The Block Buster

When calls the heart, is when the blocks burst from within,

So when I heard myself, tell myself, bust it,

Bust the block, I knew my heart had taken over.

Logic, and reasoning,

But, If and Why,  are dangerous in

themselves.

“Its a lovely day, lets go out”

” but then, what about all the work pending at home?”

No, No, lets finish it first.

Blocked are you?

At the particular instance when the first thought occurs instinctively, we block it by the 2nd very logical statement.

Our life is all reason and logic, do we have a place for ourselves, by ourselves, or are we governed by the blocks created by us over periods of time, unknowingly.

It all begins very harmlessly, when as I remember my days of strive,   I just don’t go back in time, but I am reminiscing the root of the block.

When a pile of work is pending, it stays in a corner of the mind, which keeps gnawing back at you, to finish it , so whenever I went out with friends that little work pending would come in the forefront, and push off the fun element, right out of the moment, shoving it off in a corner, where it would stay put closed for ever.

Well I am not stating that work can’t be fun too, but too much work and less play, makes Jack a dull boy.

I didn’t realise it then.

In the bargain,  blocks were created, slowly over the years, and as they passed, jobs diminished, aches set in, the body said stop a while, look around, at the world, like you never did, but the mind went on, and on , and on.

As I walked down the path, aimlessly, the other day, it suddenly urged me, to rush.

Rush  I did, and as I opened the door to my home, huffing and puffing, I looked around at the empty room.

What was it that made me rush, and then instantly gushed realisation, it was the silly mind playing up again.

There was no one home.

My children were settled in homes of their own, and I was home alone,

No big deal was it?

However, as I rushed back home, looking out for things to do,

as my old patterns suggested, and knowing there was nothing to do,

On this path, I felt lonely.

All I had to do, was change my path.

Change it to the path, which led me on, to a new world, a world where I now belonged.

But the blocks were obstacles not letting me leave the path where I did not belong, and all of a sudden I felt caged.

Like a caged animal I wandered within the imaginary boundaries, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, but refusing to let go of the cage which bound me so.

Maya, my aunty, lived a life of struggle, her husband was a miser and a cynic, and though in her youth she was jolly, and kind,  however living with a man like him, changed her brain cells , she started working hard for a living.

Her mornings would begin at 3.30 am, and after cooking she would leave for her school at 7am, she was then a teacher of a school in Dadar, and she found her peace so she thought, by working hard. She would be back by 12pm everyday, and complete her daily chores, preparing for the next day, till her husband came back at 4pm. Then they would have tea together, and after an early dinner retire for the day.

Eventually her hard work payed off and she became the principal of the school.

Whenever we visited her, she would excitedly greet us and even shorten her afternoon schedule to spend time with us, and come shopping and eating and having fun to her hearts content.

She never had children, however, she would enjoy with us, and in the later years with our children too.

The child in her would come out and greet us with fervour and spirit, and we really had crazy times together.

But come what may, as the clock struck 4, like Cindrella she would be back home, to attend to the needs of her husband.

Many a times her heart would tell her to just leave him and run away.

She was well educated done her MA and BED, and had no children. It was easy so I thought, but her mind stopped her.

What will the world say? she would tell us.

I wondered who the world was, and why do we get so affected by it.

As I grew up I realised that this too was one of the blocks, preventing us from moving on to the path dictated by our heart.

We move along with the mind, again with logic reasoning and proclaim it as wisdom.

However, unknown to us we are caged prisoners, and as we grow old and frail, when our duties are done, and when society expectations, family expectations, retreat, we are left in the lurch, as the heart retreated too. A long time ago.

As you step back away from this vicious cycle, you realise things were not meant to be done the way they were done.

You are not responsible for any one except yourself, and doing what you do, does not make you responsible for anyone, except when you do it , you accept a responsibility towards yourself.

When you accept that you do things for your family, for your sake, and not for theirs, then and only then can you live life the way it is to be.

That’s how you can smile, and enjoy, every aspect of what you do, with an element of fun,  without finding it to be cumbersome or a burden.

Then the switch over is easy, you are dependant on your own happiness, there was no pressure to perform then, and there is no pressure now.

I could then have a switch over, easily, as I am responsible for myself.

It made me happy to serve my family, and I did so, and now as time passes, my new role, is to write my heartfelt feelings down, and publish them, to whomsoever wishes to read.

My now, tells me to enjoy what comes in naturally, may be a sick aunt who needs help and I am available, so go ahead and extend a helping hand.

When your eyes are wide open, you can see the helpless look on a passer by, reach out and help within your means.

Not because they ask for it, but because you want to, because you are responsible for yourself.

That is when your heart is with you, and not tucked away in some corner, where you grope and hope to recover, but in vain.

But unfortunately we are vain, as our egos love the fore front, so here we go, the ego searches for the importance it was used to, how can it take a back seat, when the heart comes in to take its rightful place. So it pleads , coming up with various ideas to hold on to its past glory, and then when it fails, it is hurt, and gets lonely, and the rest is history, an end which begins and begins to end over and over again, all stories then end and begin in the same cycle.

So here I end with Maya auntie’s end, not different from most

In her strive to please her husband,   the cynicism and suspicious nature of her husband rubbed on to her, and she died a death which she forced on to herself.

She wanted to die, and stubborn enough she threw her medicines ( she had a weak stomach, as grief gripped her, and psychologically she wanted never to be well) out of the window, requesting the chat man to provide her all the food she was forbidden to eat.

Denying and defying life, she breathed her last, and  much to our sorrow, we saw her go, once a spirited soul, alive in every way, ended her spirit, her love for life, and died long before she actually died.

Friends, let’s commit ourselves to follow our hearts to the very end , do not let it hide in any corner, far away to find, as it truly is the only buster to your blocks for a block buster life…

 

 

 

 

 

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