Weary of life, I sat by the table at the window, my temporary coffee table, sipping coffee, when Sara joined me, with her cup of tea.
Yes Sara felt the same too, as discussing the current state of affairs, and hearing about the same, on the news channel, lead us nowhere, except to where we were, clueless and lower in spirits than we were when we enthusiastically began.
So I said to her “Let’s go home”
We walked out and headed to our respective homes.
This time I made sure I went home.
As most of the time, on my way home, I was always caught up knocking at another’s home, so missed knocking on mine.
So as I knocked at the door of my familiar home, a stranger opened it, and lo and behold before I thought it may be the wrong door I knocked on, the stranger told me that the home is mine alright and she being here was right too.
A stranger I never knew, and what was she doing in?
Oh come on I said “I don’t know you and how is this right?”
“You can’t know me, as you’ve never seen me”, said this beautiful girl out of the blue.”
“Are you joking?”, I asked seriously.
“This is your problem , you have no faith, go away and come back another day.” she said
“Why? Is it because you want to stay on , you are shooing me away?” I asked.
I was out so long, but was lucky to have not lost my way home. I thought to myself.
Angry that she occupied my home, while I was away, I told her that as an intruder she needed to explain her being here.
and she looked at me, with those beautiful eyes and said plainly but firmly “No”, I am not intruding”.
“Also I could explain but can you listen? “
Nodding my head , I agreed, cooling down and lent my ears solely to what she was about to say.
I was curious and could not comprehend how a trespasser could so confidently explain her stay in my home.
So as I sat down she spoke,
” Do you remember when you left, why you left and how you left?
I shook my head as she continued,
“As a child you saw stars in the skies, the fresh breath of the evening breeze, the waves in the sea, and then all of a sudden you stopped seeing ,didn’t you?
I nodded, and she continued , can you remember when?” she asked.
“I guess I was 5 or 6 when I saw these intently, and then all of a sudden I went blank.” said I.
“Yes , slowly then you got involved in the other attractions around you, and as you went deeper and deeper into the world, the attractions, got the better of you, and suddenly you started performing brilliantly, as per the definition of world brilliance, and yes there you were, trapped in the mesh of the world, no different from the others, as the grip of this mesh is just too much to come out of.
You were caught in the mesh of the highs and lows, as that me within is not just a name you call yourself, harmlessly, but it likes the adjective good attached to it, and when you get the title of good , it wants better and best too, and then as you reach the peak of brilliance, you fall, naturally, into the lows unacceptable by your me ego.
So stuck within ,you can’t know about the joy of being still, until you find your way home.
I was listening and understanding, and all of a sudden I felt pleased she was here.
Well why did I leave this wonderful haven at all?” I wondered.
As I struggled to find an answer she said” Hey, do you know, that we all leave home, and are expected to, as we need to find something more deeper”.
However, most of us do not go that deep and just leave home to earn a living, and then as we fulfil our basic needs we run behind the very attractions which come our way.
As soon as our needs are fulfilled we go for more and forget our way home.
In actuality this happens when we focus for our need for food, clothing and shelter, but really they are just by products, of a higher purpose, and they are fulfilled automatically as we move towards our purpose.
Do you not think there is enough for everyone, out here?
The problem arises when we lose out on the reason we are here, and grab more than our share of essentials.
Then comes the greed, and a division of yours and mine, and it is not only you, as you make up the whole so it is in all, this explains division of nations, religion, political parties etc. that is when abundant essentials become a shortage.
Unfortunately most of us forget that the highs lead to the lows too, the cause of unrest and misery.
By the way, you are lucky you’ve come home, but do you really see what is?
Do you see that beneath that superficial cloak and mantle, lies a beautiful soul who does not need any of it, and just needs to be who she is.”
” Well I don’t get you, I am what I am”, I told her off very offensively.
“I’m sure your not the real you, cause you never had anger or despair.” she stated.
“How do you know it “? I asked.
Well before you question me on this could you question yourself as to who you are? ’cause if you find that out then you have solved the whole mystery, she calmly explained.
As I questioned myself , it seemed suddenly evident that I definitely was not the me I knew all along.
I knew I loved differently, but slowly as I got caught into the whirlwind of life, I moved away from the things I loved, into the love of things I thought I ought to love.
Each of us are made, to follow the paths we love in our journey of life, thus reaching us to our goal.
Our paths, designate roles we play, as I saw myself playing the role of the responsible daughter, wife, mother and on and on… but it had to end when the show ended. As you play it well, it leaves you enriched, but only if you move on.
As you move on, then comes the realisation, that all your roles are done, and you need to go home.
If you do not understand this basic truth, and wander around like a wanderer does, getting just used to playing roles, and forgetting your real purpose then you are lost.
You did that too, took up a new role mantle, every time, thinking that a time will come, when you could go home.
But as you think it never is, as here time comes in, and fools you into believing there will be a time for you.”
Indeed she was speaking the truth, and as I went deeper, I realised I played the roles too seriously, forgetting my real self, my real love, which conflicted from within, and that was the reason of my anger.
I had disabled myself from myself, by trying to be the good person of the world.
In the eyes of a society , who were lost too.
So in reality I was lost as I followed a path determined by lost people.
As my habits memories and conditions got hold of me, urging me to play new roles , I forgot home.
Grace got me home, and then I knew who she was as she whispered in my ear, “Hi, welcome home, your time is here and now.”
Yes this beautiful girl was me, and I was home at last….