Before I go further, my reverence to Shri Rajen Vakil whose wonderful talks and guidance urged me to look within and discover myself.
Thank you, dear sir.
I’m back again to give you a detailed account of what I experienced as I moved on….
My lost “I” found, I was elated, well reason seemed to be obvious, I knew I had arrived.
However, it was much trickier than I expected.
What about years of memories with unwanted residents in the garb of the many I’s, who do not want to let go of me.
Well, very soon I realised that these now unwanted I’s which I wanted to get rid of, were not at all co-operating.
They stood ground and convinced me that they were real.
Is it not right to live perfectly then with all things in place, pleasing everyone around, and feeling elated as you are praised?
So, they questioned.
So, what if I had to lose my cool and calm, and yell at all around if they obstructed my herculean mission of proving my abilities and capabilities to the ones “I “held in high esteem? questioned one “I”?
Don’t you know what you will achieve? it asked from within.
At that instance my real self-succumbed to it and I did the obvious lost ground. However, as I did so, my real I witnessed it.
Quietly and calmly it witnessed the whole drama playing on and was silent.
As if out of a trance, I asked myself, where are you?
Oh, damn it Deepi, you were hypnotised again…
So now as I sit here penning this down, I have decided to just be.
A practice to overcome several years of wrong practices.
Several, a minimum of 5 times a day for a minute, I just be, with no role to play, I stand at the cross-section of time, choosing vertical growth over the horizontal line of time.
So, an alarm buzzes off, reminding me, to just Be, being in the here and now as I am, as I came.
Down within deep, my lost I welcomes me home.